What Should You be Doing Instead of Reading This?

Update time!

2012-01-07T20:29:00.001-07:00

I know that you are all on pins and needles!

Well, when I last checked in with this blog thingie, I was having anxiety

through the roof about all of the crazy stuff that was going on in my life. I'm pleased to announce that Sally the Car made it through graduation and is still rolling forward. She had her oil changed today. Dad seems to think that there is not as much wrong

with her as I seem to think, and I trust his judgement, which has given me a little bit of confidence.

Life has slowed down in the last week or two. Largely because I finished school and my internship and the only thing troubling me now is my current job and what to do in terms of future jobs. That and writing my Chinese New Years resolutions- which are going to be Chinese New Years resolutions because I didn't prepare for them in time for American New Year (and yes, "stop procrastinating" will be included on my list).

In other news:

I have a Masters Degree in Social Work!!!!

Can you believe it? Me!? A master?! To all those people who thought I'd never graduate: ha ha!!

My mommy and daddy needed to see this to believe it, so they flew in for my graduation

It was a lovely graduation ceremony; very short and sweet. There were only 16 of us graduating, and it was nice. It felt very personal and intimate.

The advice that the speaker gave to us was something along the lines of: "When the going gets hard, and you don't feel like you are making a difference, think back and remember what motivated you to pursue social work in the first place." I thought that was particularly poignant. I was motivated to pursue social work while working at a summer camp in New York in 2004. It was an amazing experience, and I learned a great deal about the suffering and sadness that exists in the world and in our own country.

I learned a lot about people, and how I want to make changes that will make this world a better place, and a safer place for my children to grow up. Ultimately, I went into social work because of my belief that all children deserve happiness, and it is the children who suffer the most when the world has problems.

Mostly, I went into social work because I wanted to help people. And sometimes we get caught in the day-to-day actions that don't really seem to make that much of a difference. I will try to remember all of the reasons I did this when the going gets tough.

Now that I have a little bit more breathing room, I want to figure out what I want this blog to become. It has always just been my little space to write my thoughts, but I have a hard time keeping up with it. I wonder if I would be better at just writing in a journal the old fashioned way. What I really want is for my writing to have purpose and meaning, but what should the purpose be? I'm feeling compelled to take this blog in a new direction, but I am lacking the compass to help me decide which direction is best. Thoughts?

Anxious...

2011-11-20T13:10:00.001-07:00

Lately I’ve been anxious. About everything. Literallyeverything. I’ve started to read catastrophic implications into minoroccurrences in my life. I blame the castof Grey’s Anatomy. That show is way toodramatic! It is addicting and I don’t even like it!

Example one: Sally the Car is going in for new part onMonday. After she got her oil changed last Saturday, the mechanic told me sheneeds a new part (something about a control arm). So ever since then, I‘ve beenhaving visions of me and Sally plunging off a cliff because the control armfails. The old me would have been mildly concerned, but driven as usual until Ihad time to get her in. The current me isso anxious that I have refused to drive Sally for the last three days. I’vestarted to wonder how I will be able to get to work without a car, and if Iwill lose my job because of it, or if I will not be able to make it to the lastcouple weeks of school because of it. The mechanic will see her on Monday at 8am. He is 50 miles away. So let us all pray that Sally is able to make it those50 miles.

Example two: I’ve also had a lot of people yell at melately. Now, as my mother will attest to, my definition of “yell” does notactually imply a raised voice; it implies people using a forceful tone to tellme something that I don’t want/need to hear. But it still frustrates me. Theold me would take it all in stride, but recently those things have made me anxious.Instead of blowing it off, the current me has started to worry about my job, myschool, my success as a social worker, and a number of other things.

I used to be the most easygoing person in the world, but thelast few weeks I’ve started to feel differently. What gives? Could it just beall the changes in my life right now? Will things calm down? Or will this justbe the way it is?

Happy Birthday to Me!

2011-10-14T05:00:00.000-06:00

This is my fourth blog post with that title. I suppose it has become tradition. I still have to resist the urge to repeat the phrase “I live in a tree” after every time I say “Happy Birthday to me.” I’m still not sure where that urge comes from.

Let’s see, it has actually not been a very eventful year. Not as eventful as last year. Or the year before that. Slightly more eventful than the year before that.

So, without further adieu, let’s do this thing.

Since October 14, 2010, I have:

Survived what has been indisputably the most stressful year of my life without pulling my hair out, taking my life, or curling up into a ball and hiding under my bed. You might be rolling your eyes, but try going to graduate school while working 30 hours a week, interning another 20, and waking up at the crack of dawn to teach early morning seminary. No complaints, but it was definitely the most stressful year of my life.

Taken a road trip to Vegas in my grandma’s mini-van. Because nothing says “super fun road trip” like a Honda Odyssey.

Moved to North Carolina! Greensboro is a great place. Target is only a hop, skip, and a jump away. It is exactly halfway between my internship and school and work. Now if I can just convince my car to continue to function for a few more months. Every time I go to Raleigh, Durham, or Chapel Hill, I think to myself: “I really want to live here!” If only I could convince the job gods to find me a position there.

Lived off of my food storage for 2.5 months and counting. Never again will I make fun of those provident living Relief Society lessons.

Acquired a niece. I kind of like it when people automatically assume she’s my daughter. She’s extremely cute.

Trained for my third triathlon. Okay, so it was the second triathlon I have actually trained for, but it will be the third one I will compete in. The tri begins in T-minus one day. Here’s to last place!

Gone for 286 days and counting without drinking anything other than water and milk.

Gone for 105 days and counting without eating sugary junk food and desserts. I am taking the day off for my birthday though.

So, here’s to me. Happy birthday to me! And for those of you who don’t know, I share a birthday with Dwight D. Eisenhower. And Usher. And Ralph Lauren. Good to know.

I hope that the next year will be even better than the last. It sure seems like it will. I have graduation to look forward to, and hopefully getting a full time job, which might mean I am able to save some money or something like that. As for concrete plans for the future after graduation… well, for the first time in a long time, the future feels like an empty book. The next few years of my life could take me in any number of different directions, and it will be interesting to see what happens.

Bloggers

2011-10-10T22:14:00.001-06:00

Even though I've kept this blog for over three years, I don't really consider myself "a blogger." Probably because few of my friends and family members blog themselves, and even fewer of them read my blog. I've never really blogged for the comments; I've mostly just blogged because I have things to say.

Lately though, I've been reading a great deal of personal blogs, and I have been starting to see blogging as a legitimate way to exercise my creativity. I find it somewhat inspiring to read blogs about the lives of people I've never met, but to see how much purpose and soul goes into their storytelling. I don't know if I can be that person who shares so much of her personal life with the general public. Yeah, I know that by posting the details of my life on the internet, anyone is free to read about it. But few enough people actually do that I hardly feel like an open book. But there's just something magical about reading people's stories. It gives me insight on humanity. It reminds me that I am not as strange as I sometimes think I am. It reminds me that of all of those little things that I struggle with, there is someone out there who has struggled before. I love those moments when I read someones blog and I think to myself: "You do that too!? I thought I was the only one!!"

I think I want to become a blogger. Rather than just having a blog, I think I want to be one of those people who helps to connect the world through the sharing of unique experiences. I'm not looking for more readers per se, but I am looking to improve my blog and improve my writing habits. I'm not entirely sure I have the discipline and the guts to take the time to share my stories, but I am going to try and see what happens.

In the meantime, here are a few links that have inspired my recent personal blog fetish. Do you have any that you would like to share with me?

HopefulLeigh, a blog about Christianity, singleness, and life in the south
Loralee's Looney Tunes, a blog about parenting, death, and raising boys
The Jacksons, a blog about grief and loss
The Nienie Dialogues, a blog about parenting, overcoming tragedy

Don't worry; I'm sure I'll find more.

Wish me luck!

Sally the Car

2011-09-27T17:25:00.004-06:00

This is not my actual car, but a stand-in.

Sally is my wonder car. Unfortunately, Sally has been feeling less than wonderful lately. In April, I found out that Sally had leaks in her radiator. A week later, one of my hospice patients backed into her and left her with a couple of nice gouges in the bumper. I, being the nice car owner that I am, decided to use the insurance payout that the hospice patient got me to pay the remainder of my summer tuition. That same spring, a tree fell down in front of her and knocked out her antannae. In August, my work supervisor broke her door handle.

I have known for several months now that Sally is a hospice patient. That means that she is receiving comfort measures only (including regular oil changes and basic maintenance), and no aggressive treatment (which would include a transmission replacement or something of the like). I have been praying that Sally will simply last through my graduation, which is in 81 days (not that anyone is counting). Alas, it is appearing that Sally the wonder car does not have 81 days of life in her. I'm no mechanic, but she seems to be knocking on death's door.

This puts me into a predicament. I finally, by the skin of my teeth and using every last penny of my savings, paid my tuition for this semester. And now I think I will be having to buy a new car. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but probably soon.

I'm trying not to be mad at Sally. She has lived a tough life and has had her fair share of challenges. She has been a great friend and companion. And she, like me, is from Utah. So of course we are tough. I'm trying not to be mad at Sally, but she picked an inopportune moment to die. I wish she could have died after tomorrow, so that I can go to presentaion I am doing at my internship. And take my trip to WV that was planned for this weekend. But sometimes people pick bad times to die. Cars do too.

Sally may not be completely dead. I'm still waiting for the official pronouncement. But even if she is not dead, I don't think she has 81 days left. Let us celebrate the life of Sally the Car.

Tomorrow

2011-09-22T19:40:00.000-06:00

I’ve hit a minor plateau in the triathlon training. To tellthe truth, this week I have hit a minor plateau in the experience we call life.

I have gotten behind in my training, behind in my work,behind in school, and behind in my internship.

Pathetic? Yes. Paralyzing? No. In the immortal words ofJoDee Messina: Tomorrow’s another day! And I’m thirsty anyway! So bring on therain.

I am forcing myself to exercise in the morning before classtomorrow. Then I will force myself to pay attention in class (yeah right). ThenI will force myself to spend tomorrow evening catching up on my reading for myDifferential Diagnosis class.

(I’m sure that all of my readers wish that they were takinga class as intelligent sounding as “Differential Diagnosis.” It’s apretentious way of saying we read a bunch of random stories that vaguely relateto mental illness and get graded on our note taking skills- I wonder if he gives more points if I take notes in color.)

Tomorrow, I will be back to the productive days of yore!Tomorrow is another day! And the sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow there’s aray of hope! Tomorrow is Friday! Gotta get down on Friday! It’s not hopeless,it’s just Friday, but Sunday’s coming soon!

And now I will stop speaking in cheesy song lyrics, and putmyself to bed in the hopes that tomorrow never dies.

Becky-Face

2011-09-20T05:59:00.001-06:00

"Happiness is having a sister" -You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown

Last year's birthday, Becky got to have a princess party

Happy Birthday to the best big sister that a girl could ask for.

I don't really know why I call her Becky-Face, but I always have. The best thing about Becky's birthday is that it is only three weeks before mine. That means that when I start freaking out about growing old, her birthday puts my freak-outs into perspective and I remember that she is turning four years older than me. (then I remember that she was married and pregnant with her second child when she was my age and the freak-outs resume)

Becky was the one who convinced me to move to the east coast. Without Becky in my life, I would not have gone to graduate school. Without Becky in my life I would not the two best boys (and the one best baby) in the world to play with.

If I didn't have Becky, who would spend a Sunday afternoon with me making fake sushi rolls filled with hot dogs and fried chicken?

If I didn't have Becky, I would never have tried to complete a triathlon. It's pretty safe to say that if you were not you, I would not be me.

So, I am grateful for Becky. I'm grateful that you were born, especially that you came four years before me. You have modeled the life I would like to have and you have given me inspiration and motivation to be successful in life. Happy 32nd birthday! I hope it is the best day ever!

Commencement

2011-09-18T06:05:00.000-06:00

Todaymarks 90 days until graduation.

Notthat I am counting at all.

Actually,in a way, I am dreading this segment of my life ending. It has been a terrifictime, and I feel anxious about the future. All of the major phases in my life have had concrete starts and ends:

Age0-5- Early childhood; age 5-12- elementary school; age 12-15- Jr. High; age15-18- High School; age 18-20-pre-mission college/mom's cancer years; age 21-22- themission; age 22-25-post mission college years; age 26-27- east coast/graduate schoolyears.

Whenwill the phases of life stop and life will simply become life? Does that ever happen? I have a feeling thatDecember 17 will be the end of a phase in my life, and I don’t know if/whenthere will ever be a new phase.

So,you see, much like one hit wonder Natalie Imbruglia, I am torn. Torn between the realization that I willofficially have absolutely no excuse to enter the adult world come December 17,and the desire I have to just be a kid forever. A part of me feels like I amsimply not big enough to be a grown up and live in the real world. A part of meis counting the days until I can have a full time job, a steady income, andsome element of stability in my life, and another part of me wonders if that isreally what I want.

Inmy 27 and 11.5/12ths years of life, I have never once had a full time job. Okay,I did when I first moved to Virginia, but it only lasted 2 months until Istarted graduate school and went part time. And I was a full time missionarybut that doesn’t count either because A) it is not a job, and B) if it were ajob, there is no way I could be paid enough to do it.

Ihave somehow convinced myself that life will become automatically more easywhen I just have one job, and no school or field placement for worry about. Butnow I am approaching graduation, we are in the midst of a significant financialcrisis (which means that finding a job will likely be easier said than done),and I still have NO IDEA what I want to be when I grow up.

Itwould be much easier to get a job as a swimming teacher, go 20 thousand dollars morein debt, and get another masters degree. But that seems like a ratherimpractical route.

Wasit really smart to get this much school without really knowing what I want tobe when I grow up? Would it have maybe been smarter to have worked for a coupleof years before doing all this? Who knows? But I’m here now, and I’m justanxious. What sort of work should I do?Where should I live?

I’lltell you what I want. I want to find a job that will give me opportunities forcommunity outreach and advocacy. I want to live in an urban area that has a lowenough cost of living that I can afford to live at least relatively close tothe downtown area. I’m open to living in a foreign country if such a placeneeds social workers.

I want to make enough money to be able to put gasoline inmy car, feed myself on a regular basis, avoid the homeless shelter (avoidliving in them; I’d be open to working in one), and eventually pay back thosepesky student loans. Unless an anonymous benefactor decides that I am terrificenough that I deserve complete forgiveness on those loans. In which case I’dhappily accept such an offer.

So,with all that said: Let it be known to the world that the job search has officiallybegun. May the Full-Time-Job-Gods be on my side. May the We-Live-In-A-Crappy-Economy-And-Most-People-Are-Grateful-To-Be-Using-Their-Masters-Degrees-To-Sling-Burgers-Godsbe curiously distracted.

Wishme luck!

Training Calendar

2011-09-04T11:02:00.000-06:00

Presenting, for your viewing enjoyment: Laura's official September-October 2011 triathlon training calendar. Hoping that publishing this online for all the world to see will keep me accountable and give me the motivation I need to do this thing. Without further ado, here you go:

I have to be honest, so far things are going very well. I didn't include the workouts I've done this past week in the calendar because they weren't a part of the "official 2011 triathlon training calendar," but you should know that perpetual motion is indeed underway. I'm finding it difficult to not devote all of my time to training in the pool, because swimming is easiest for me. My intern-boss says that I shouldn't bother swimming at all. I compromised with three planned swims a week (okay, that's not really a compromise; what I probably should have said is "I completely disregarded his advice and planned three swims a week," but lets not dwell on semantics).

Anyway. Saturday was my first official day working at the YMCA (which is how this whole thing got started). So I woke up extra early and ran a mile on the treadmill (I use the word "ran" very liberally. Anyone else would call what I do "jogging" or "meandering at a slightly enhanced pace," but again with the semantics).

Anyway. I'm a little torn between my desire to not work out on Sunday and my desire to get better faster. I have issues with the whole "keeping the Sabbath day holy" thing anyway (I may or may not be writing this blogpost from the Barnes and Noble Cafe on a Sunday afternoon... but I haven't bought anything... yet). I just don't have a lot of time during the week, given that I have school, work, and a time consuming internship to be dealing with. I work 10 hours three days a week, and 8 hours the other three. Plus I drive a lot. Sunday afternoons have become the only free time I have, and it has been difficult to refrain from getting stuff done for the week. The last two weeks, between school, work, and interning, I have been busy 60 hours. Not counting commuting (30-60 minutes one way, depending on where I'm going), and not counting homework. So I love my Sundays, where I can go to church and I don't have any of those other things to do, but it's hard to not use that time to do homework, go grocery shopping, sleep, or just generally be lazy. And it seems like such a good time to hit the gym, but I haven't decided if that is an appropriate Sunday activity.

Anyway. I didn't come here to ramble about my Sunday dilemmas. I came here to tell you that you should be proud of me for surviving my first 4 days of triathlon training. 41 days to go. Wish me luck!

My "Baby Steps" Approach to Triathlon Training: Day 1

2011-09-01T19:35:00.000-06:00

In case you were wondering, this is actually not me

September 1 marks day 1 of my newest triathlon training endeavor. I am taking small steps as I continue to move myself toward greater challenges. Hopefully those greater challenges will lead to greater successes. Here are the steps I have taken today:

1) Picked up my new (and free) membership to the local YMCA (I got a job teaching swimming lessons two hours a week there so that they would give me a free membership... it was all a part of my grandmaster plan)

2) Spent my intern supervision time listening to my supervisor talk to me for 45 minutes, giving me excellent training advice and helping me come up with a plan (because training for a triathlon has everything to do with social work)

3) Went back to the YMCA, wandered around for a bit trying to work up the nerve to enter into the gym part of the Y (It's been awhile since I've been to a real gym)

4) Jogged 2 miles and biked 3 more (I am seriously considering hiring a personal trainer, but I'd probably have to come up with a way to pay for such a thing)

5) Went home, thought about doing homework but decided to blog instead (and wondered what in the world I was thinking signing up for a triathlon right smack in the middle of the last semester of graduate school)

Perpetual motion is underway: 44 days and counting!

Here we go again.

2011-08-28T21:12:00.002-06:00

I haven’t eaten sugar in 60 days. Not that I’m counting or anything. I have successfully switched my addictions from ice cream and cheesecake to fruit and vegetables. I have started to eat fresh veggies again on a regular basis, and I am reminded of how great they make my body feel.

I got a scholarship for working with the elderly. It’s funny, because I went into social work because I wanted to work with children and issues of poverty, but since starting grad school, I continue to find myself drawn to the aging people.

I began the final semester of my MSW program on Friday. I have to be honest, I am doubtful that I will ever be able to put into words what this program has done for me. I hope to compile a list during this semester that I may eventually share with you. But the greatest thing that this program has done for me has been to help me understand how much I don’t understand about the world around me. I have gained a better appreciation for the largeness of this world. I have developed a hunger for knowledge and learning that I hope will carry me farther than I can imagine. I have learned that my Heavenly Father answers prayers, even when I forget to actually pray those prayers. When people ask me how school is going, I simply cannot explain it. It has been, for all intents and purposes, life altering. I don’t know if my classmates and teachers will ever understand how meaningful this experience is to me. I think that this has tied with (or possibly surpassed) my mission as the best 18 months of my life.

So, my field instructor at my internship doesn’t think very highly of me. It could be all in my head, but I don’t think it is. I don’t think he trusts my ability to keep commitments and follow through with things. I have one semester to prove him wrong, and I am going to do so. I need to prove it to myself as well. In an attempt to prove to myself that I can and will follow through with something, I have decided that I want to give myself a triathlon for my birthday (October 14).

The one I have my eye on is on Saturday, October 15. It is a pool sprint with reasonable bike and run portions, much like the one I did 2.5 years ago. You can read about that from start to finish by clicking on the numbers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). I need to prove that I can accomplish a challenge without someone dragging me along. I feel like I need this assurance before I graduate. So here goes. Training starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Don't Hold Your Breath

2011-07-30T16:46:00.005-06:00

So, update time.

I know you're all on pins and needles.

I ended up deciding to stay at my job. My reasons behind that are largely due to the fact that I may decide to move again after I graduate, and it seems silly to have a job for six months and then switch jobs again IF I decide to move. And that is a Big "IF," because I do really like the southeastern United States.

Allow me to rephrase: I WAS really liking the southeastern United States until June and July hit and I experienced humidity and heat, the likes of which I have never felt before. Seriously, this hot has been positively debilitating, to the point where I cannot for the life of me figure out how humanity has managed to survive in this strange land. I've been in other hot, humid lands: New York, Illinois, Guatemala, etc., but I think the difference is all of those times, I've spent the vast majority of my time in a bathing suit (or up to my chin in mud, but that's a story for another day), but this summer I've spent the vast majority of my time in a car whose air conditioning is questionable at best. I survived last summer here, but I had school to distract me as well as a car with a great AC. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure that I can survive another summer in the south. We shall see how that goes.

And the biggest news is: I moved to Greensboro! Yay! It was my compromise with myself. Moving to Raleigh or Charlotte (or elsewhere) is not an option until I graduate, due to the fact that it's too far away from school and work, but moving to Greensboro puts me a step or two closer to the big city, and it also makes me be central to all of the places that I commonly drive to (including Winston-Salem, Reidsville, and Martinsville). I have a quaint little apartment, an... interesting roommate with a friendly dog, and a bathroom all to myself. I'm living in luxury now, aren't I?

I feel... real again. I don't know how to put it. This past year and a half has been wonderful; I've enjoyed bonding with my nephews and spending time with my sister. After four years of living with roommates, they have taught me how to be a part of a family again. I've had a great deal of learning experiences, through work, school, and home. But I started to get a little antsy, and I have known for awhile that it is time to move forward. And apparently moving forward means going back to living in the city, having a roommate, and being located relatively close to a Target. I spent two nights in my new apartment before coming back to crash on Becky and Adam's floor. Transition takes time.

I have not, I repeat, HAVE NOT eaten sugar junk food in the last 31 days! Yay me! This has included all sweets, desserts, sodas, juices, and fake sugars. It has made a difference in a few ways: I don't feel as hungry between meals, my appetite is not as large as it used to be (probably because I'm eating more "real food" that actually leaves me satisfied, and I have regular kitchen meetings with one of my co-workers at the internship where we animatedly discuss the Lean Cuisine flavor of the day. Yup. I'm living the dream, aren't I?

I want to do another triathlon. I don't want 2011 to be a triathlonless year. But that means I need to start training now. Or, better yet, I need to start training last April. Better late than never, I know. But given my penchant for procrastination, the "late" will more than likely turn into a "never," and I really don't want that to happen. There is a tri the end of September in Greensboro that I could set my sights on, but I need a buddy to motivate me. I'm officially in the market for an online training buddy. If you want to volunteer raise your hand and/or send me your email address. I'm serious. If you're good, I might pay you.

I officially joined my new ward today, and when I met the Bishop, I may or may not have volunteered myself to be the next Relief Society President (leader of the women's group in Mormon congregations). The modest me should say, "I sure hope that's not my next calling," but the honest me says "bring it on! I need to develop leadership skills and having a big calling is a perfect way to meet people and come out of my 'new girl' shell." Yes, just the kind of humility that God is looking for in His servants. Perhaps that's why I should start preparing myself to be a nursery leader instead.

I sometimes wish that this blog was more than just me rambling about the really pretty uninteresting minutia of my life. I wish I could be one of those cool bloggers who actually has readers and writing skills and who writes about things that are interesting to the population at large, not just her mother. Oh well. Maybe one day I will become the person I want to be.

A while back, my supervisor at my internship told me that we can compare people to jellyfishes and sharks. The sharks go through life knowing what they want and going after it with a vengeance. Whether they want fish, dolphins, a tween surfer's arm or whatever else a shark might want, they work on goals, and they don't quit until they've either accomplished them, or someone shoves an oxygen tank down their throat. The jellyfish float leisurely along with the tide until they wash up on shore somewhere and some suicidal idiot climbs into a bathtub with one. After sharing this analogy with me, my supervisor then asked me if I wanted to be a shark or a jellyfish. I think the answer was supposed to be obvious, but I'm not so sure I want to be either of those animals. I think I would make a good rabbit though. Then I can bounce through life twitching my nose and eating carrots. I could say things like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Nobody would make horror films about me. It'd be a good life.

Well, I've rambled too much and now I need to get back to my tasks of the day. Have fun!

6 Days Until D-Day

2011-06-26T14:31:00.006-06:00

I need your advice. Read on.

On July 1, I am going to attempt a feat that has never before been attempted, and I am hoping that by telling the blogging world (you know, all four of you that actually read this thing) about my attempt, that I will hold myself more accountable. I am going to attempt to eat no more refined sugar until graduation. I have already gone for six months without drinking my sugar (i.e.: I have drank nothing but water and milk since December 31), so it seems fitting to spend the last six months of the year neither drinking nor eating my sugar. There is no real purpose for this venture, other than to prove to myself that I can do it (although I would certainly hope that the added side benefits of possible weight loss, possible increased health and energy, and possibly not giving myself diabetes as a 28^th birthday present might come to fruition).

Anyway, in preparation for this attempt, I decided that I am going to eat some of my favorite sugary junk this week; you know, kind of like that smoker who has to smoke his last cigarette before he quits. So yes, I am in fact spending the week leading up to quitting junk food cold turkey indulging myself in all of my favorite treats. Realistically, this is probably not the best way to kick start this attempt, but I am actually not terribly worried because I only have $9 in my bank account and am therefore unable to purchase more than $9 in junk food anyway.

When it comes to building habits, I have found that hard and fast rules work for me. I am not one of those people who can eat ice cream only on Sunday and chocolate only on Wednesday. I admire people who can regulate themselves that well, but it is not my forte. For example, I have tried unsuccessfully several times to give up non-diet soda (I was never what you would call a “regular” soda drinker, but I definitely enjoyed the occasional Mountain Dew… and if you’ve ever tried to combine Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper, it actually tastes surprisingly good), and it never worked. But when I eliminated soda from my life altogether, and took it one step further and also eliminated juice, it has worked fine. I don’t miss things like that when I exclude them; I only miss them when I try to limit them. For this reason, religious beliefs aside, I know that I will never drink alcohol. I could never be a “social drinker,” and I am fairly confident that if I ever took a sip I would instead become an “alcoholic.”

So because hard fast rules really work for me, I am going to spell out the hard fast rules for myself right now. Some of the “gray areas” when it comes to sugar free attempts include questions like: What about barbecue sauce? Or sweet and sour sauce? Or ketchup? Or any other food-like substance that contains sugar, but is not generally considered junk food? What about at a party? What about on a birthday? Is gum allowed? I will say yes to barbecue sauce and ketchup, and no to sweet and sour sauce. Since I don’t cook very much I’m not terribly concerned about those condiments. Since I don’t generally get invited to parties, I’m not too concerned about that one either. But if it happens, I will make sure I eat a good dinner beforehand so I’m not hungry at the party, and I will stay away from the dessert table. The same applies for birthdays, but I will eat cake and ice cream at my own birthday. I am okay with that. Since I feel as though I will probably need something to help me manage cravings, I will allow gum.

So yesterday I went by the grocery store to pick up some of my “last supper” junk food items. I picked up a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream (which I sincerely hope that I don’t actually finish in the next five days. I hope that I am forced to throw at least part of it away come July 1), some ice cream sandwiches, and a box of cake mix (to make cobbler with). I ran into a friend from church and she complimented me on losing weight (yes, I have lost 10 lbs. in the last few months). I said “thank you, I’ve been trying to exercise more and eat healthy,” then I remembered the contents of my cart and immediately felt kind of silly. Oh well.

Anyway, the reason I tell you fine people of my quest is because I am wondering what, if any, type of junk food would you suggest I add to my last supper. I promise I’m not going on a quest to see exactly how many fat calories I can cram into my body in one week’s time, but I am curious. The things I thought I would miss the most were ice cream and cobbler. And peanut butter M & Ms.

What do you think?

PS: Here is where I have been getting some of my recent exercise ideas. And here is where you can buy her book. After you read about her, you know you will want to buy her book!

Laura gets introspective

2011-06-12T19:29:00.003-06:00

Today, I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what makes me who I am. I spent my Sunday afternoon typing up my patriarchal blessing. It has been missing for several months and I finally requested another copy of it. It came in the mail yesterday and if was such a bad copy that I just decided to re-type it completely. It is the first time in a long time that I have really scrutinized the promises the Lord has made to me. I forget sometimes how grateful I am for my faith in my Savior, and how grateful I am for my religion. It has to do with the fact that I have spent this last year being so zeroed in on school and work and that I have been so incredibly busy that I have put faith on the back-burner. Not religion so much, because I spent the entire year waking up at the crack of dawn to teach teenage boys religion and that has required study and prayer, but somewhere along the way, I started forgetting to take the time to develop my own faith. I’ve been less mindful than I used to be of the Lord’s hand in all the things I do; I’ve been less reliant on prayer and more reliant on myself to get me through challenges. I’ve fixated on how weak I am, rather than on how great He is, and on how great He thinks I am. I’ve spent so much time and energy on Social Work as an academic study and I forgot why I decided to pursue social work in the first place.

I chose to pursue social work because it seemed to me to be a way that I could study something that was in alignment with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. It was a way of majoring in “the gospel of Jesus Christ” in its truest form: non-complicated charity, love, compassion, and kindness. When we break religion down, that’s what it is. Sometimes we try to overthink it to the point that we forget about charity, love, compassion, and kindness, and we start to focus on the things that make members of different religions different, rather than what we all have in common (again, back to the “charity, love, compassion, and kindness” thing). I am going to spend the summer trying to get back to the basics and focus on simple kindness and service to others. Wasn’t it James who said something about pure religion being to visit the widows and the fatherless? And King Benjamin who said something about when we are in the service of our fellow being we are only in the service of our God? I’m pretty sure it’s true. It means service. Raw, unadulterated service is what is the essence of a life well lived. So I need to get back to my old, service-oriented selfless self. Can I do it? I must.

Anyway, my point in all this is that sometimes I forget how grateful I am to be a Mormon. I’m grateful for it even though it is kinda hard sometimes. I’ve complained a lot this year about having to wake up at the crack of dawn to teach three teenage boys about religion, when I really should have been fascinated by the fact that three teenage boys have been willing to wake up at the crack of dawn to learn about religion (we’re talking every weekday here, people… class begins two hours before school begins). Joseph Smith once said “A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” I’m grateful that I belong to a church that invites its members to sacrifice time, talents, energy, and money, to build the Lord’s kingdom. And I’m grateful for members of all faiths who express their faith in a source that is greater than us. This universe sure is big, and I can’t imagine what it would be like if it was just us people running things, without any sort of hope in a greater being. I’m so unbelievably grateful for the role that both religion and faith have played in my life.

Lastly, I would like to give a shout out to this interesting guy. He is in the Raleigh area and he is spending the year observing 12 different religions in an attempt for greater understanding of their beliefs and practices… It's called project conversion, and some of the stories and ideas he presents are positively riveting. It's so.... well he can explain his experiment better than I can so just click on the link. You won’t be disappointed!

That’s all for now, folks. I hope you have an awesome day!

And I am... I am... I am...

2011-06-01T18:18:00.004-06:00

The Luckiest

Incredibly creepy Ben Folds songs aside, my favorite former intern supervisor is leaving the rural south forever. She can consider this blogpost to be my homage to her. One of the things that Lori (the aforementioned former intern supervisor) has inspired me to do has been to create a life ambitions book. Not that I have actually done such a thing, but creating a life ambitions book has, in fact, been added to my mental list of life ambitions. Yes, I know that my commitment, my dedication, my continuous quest for self improvement, and ability to follow through with my goals is astounding.

Anyway… one of my life ambitions has been to find the world’s most perfect four leaf clover. Today, while plucking grass to feed the chickens, I accomplished said goal.

Okay, so that picture might not be the actual clover I found, but I have lost the cable that connects my camera to my computer so further documentation of this feat will have to wait. I’m sure you’re all on pins and needles.

Anyway, finding a four leaf clover, silly as it may sound, has made me genuinely happy. I can’t figure out why, other than that it appears to be a sign that good things will be happening to me in the very near future. I wonder what such good things will be? A job? A new place to live? Not failing my internship? Coming up with the money to pay my tuition? Maybe I’ll just be able to “find myself” and be happier. I’ll settle for that.

Although all those other things might be nice too.

The Easter Edition

2011-04-29T20:03:00.005-06:00

I’m bored with posting updates about Sexual Assault Awareness Month, although I did kind of have fun putting my stuff together. Maybe I’ll figure out what I can shout out about for the month of May.

Or maybe I’ll just write about my own life.

Here’s the scoop: I have completed what has undoubtedly been the most stressful semester of my college career. The funny thing was that since finishing it, I have become more and more excited about the idea of getting a ph.d. However, tonight I filled out a scholarship application and was rudely reminded how much moola I owe in student loans. I am establishing a rule that I must pay backat least a third of my student loans before I can even consider more school. Maybe that will be motivation for me to not spend money!

Speaking of spending money, I went to Utah last week! The whole time I was there, I was singing the Utah state song. It was grand times. I dyed a bajillion Easter Eggs at my grandma’s house (I am pretty much legendary for my egg-dying skills), frolicked about the annual egg hunt, skipped down to Las Vegas for a three day vacation from my vacation, and returned to the Greensboro airport in the midst of a tornado warning. I had to leave my car parked in the long-term parking for an extra day and have my (65-year-old) friend Danny come and rescue me because I left my car keys somewhere in Utah. Unpleasantness. I blame divine intervention for making sure that Danny was available to rescue me. It was a reminder to me that I need to be more social so that the next time I am stranded somewhere, I have a longer list of potential rescuers. If anyone wants to be on my list of rescuers, please sign up in the comments section. Let’s see… what else is new?

Speaking of divine interventions, a miracle occurred and I did not fail my internship this semester (I’ve been kind of a slacker and I was legitimately worried this time around). My field advisor person did, however, suggest that I seek mental health counseling myself. Because I’m apparently crazy.

Speaking of mental health counseling, I don’t think I’m crazy, but I have diagnosed myself with ADHD. I shared that diagnosis with my friend Mystie in Utah and she gave me a funny look and said, “um, Laura, I’ve always known you had ADHD.” Apparently it’s not news to anyone but me. I blame the inter-web for giving me the ADHD. I didn’t have a crazy brain until sometime after Al Gore invented that thing. But I suppose I should get it taken care of if I want to be successful in school or life.

Speaking of school… It’s summertime!!!! I don’t really want to work this summer. I just want to travel and play. My friend Lori is moving to Pennsylvania and she suggested that I come play with her this summer, my friend Julie and I want to take a trip to NY this August, Emma and I want to go to the beach in December, I really want to take my classmates on a tour of Utah and go to Las Vegas while we’re at it, and I just got asked to spend a week at camp lifeguarding the lake. So can I just take the summer off and play really hard? I think that’s a great idea. Who would like to sponsor me? (Mom, you sponsored last week’s trip to Vegas, so you are not allowed any more sponsorships. But thanks for offering!).

Speaking of Vegas, I went there last week. I used to not really like Vegas because it’s this random city in the middle of nowhere, but Vegas grew on me last week after it became so hot on the strip that we had to spend 3 hours at the pool.

What might a Mormon girl who doesn’t drink, gamble, or fornicate do in Vegas, one might ask?

The answer, apparently, is wander around, swim laps, eat ice cream, and watch musicals. I know you’re jealous!

Speaking of jealousy, I just found out that I did not fail my research class this semester. I am still waiting for my other class grade to come out, but I’m not too worried about it. It is appearing as though I will not flunk out of graduate school.

Yippy Skippy!

Speaking of graduate school, I would really like to move closer to school this fall, but the job search is not working out so well. I am looking for something in either the Raleigh or Winston-Salem area. Something part time, that will be somewhat flexible, and that will give me some additional experience in the social work related field.

Speaking of gaining experience, Jack (my five year old nephew) is competing in his first triathlon tomorrow. That is, provided that he recovers from his fever. He wanted to “train” tonight, but I told him he needed to rest and carbo-load instead.

Speaking of resting and carbo-loading, I'd better do some of that myself (no, I'm not training for anything currently, but I do like sleep and spaghetti). I hope you have appreciated tonight's session of Laura's Random Life. Tune in next time for more of the strange blend of mundane and insane that is Laura's Random Life.

#27

2011-04-27T00:01:00.002-06:00

To all the men in our lives.

Happy April 27

About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.

• In 2003, 1 in every ten rape victims were male.

• 2.78 million men in the U.S. have been victims of sexual assault or rape.

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)

#26

2011-04-26T00:01:00.003-06:00

On my last day in Vegas.

Happy April 26

Taken verbatim from the:

The Journal of Criminal Justice Research

RESEARCH ARTICLE

SEXUAL VICTIMIZATION IN SIN CITY

"One possible explanation for the rates of forcible rape in Las Vegas could be the culture propagated in this hypersexual community. A rape culture is defined as “a complex of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women” (Buchwald, Fletcher, & Roth, 2005, p. xi). A rape culture exists within an environment where sexual aggression is encouraged towards women (Buchwald et al., 2005). Within a rape culture, individuals assume that sexual violence is a normal part of life."

#25

2011-04-25T00:01:00.004-06:00

Today I am driving to Las Vegas to spend a couple of days in Sin City. We will be hearing sexual assault facts about Vegas for these next few days, including this particularly disturbing nugget:

The Office of Victims of Crime states that the national average of forcible rape within metropolitan areas is 31.8% while Las Vegas faces 42.2% per 100,000 people. Las Vegas, therefore, reports 10.4% over the national average.

Disturbing? Yes. Shocking? Unfortunately, no.

Happy April 25

The Rape Crisis Center

#24/Happy Easter

2011-04-24T00:01:00.006-06:00

Happy Easter!

Because today is Easter Sunday, the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who died so that we can live again, who completed the Atonement and made it possible for people to repent...

“There is a miraculous rebirth, a spiritual phoenix that emerges with our acceptance of the Savior and His Atonement. His spirit heals; it refines; it comforts; it breathes new life into hopeless hearts. It has the power to transform all that is ugly and vicious and worthless in life into something of supreme and glorious splendor. He has the power to convert the ashes of mortality to the beauties of eternity.”

^{-Tad R. Callister, "The Infinite Atonement"}

If untreated, sexual offenders have a 17.3% recidivism rate. That means that 17.3% of untreated offenders will repeat their offense. When offenders receive treatment and support, this rate drops to 9.9%. Still too high, but moving on the right track.

American Psychological Association

#23

2011-04-23T00:01:00.002-06:00

Happy April 23

Rape is the only violent crime for which Utah’s rate is above the national average. In 2003, 793 rapes were reported, according to the Utah Department of Public Safety annual crime statistics. Since it is estimated that only 9.8% of victims report the crime to law enforcement, the actual number may be as high as 7,000 rapes each year.

The Utah Sexual Assault Safety Project

#22

2011-04-22T00:01:00.005-06:00

Happy April 22

Each year in Utah one third to one half of all homicides are domestic violence related.

Salt Lake Area Domestic Violence Coalition

#21

2011-04-21T00:01:00.003-06:00

In honor of my trip to Utah, the next few posts will be dedicated to sexual assault statistics from the great Beehive State

Happy April 21

In 2009, 8.2% of female high school students and 5.8% of male high school students in Utah reported they were physically forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to. (2009, IBIS)

#20

2011-04-20T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 20

Many victims of sexual assault develop a post-traumatic stress syndrome that has been referred to as Rape Trauma Syndrome. Symptoms can include fear, helplessness, shock and disbelief, guilt, humiliation and embarrassment, anger, self-blame, flashbacks of the rape, avoidance of previously pleasurable activities, avoidance of the place or circumstance in which the rape occurred, depression, sexual dysfunction, insomnia, and impaired memory. (American Medical Association. Sexual Assault in American . November 6, 1995).

#17

2011-04-17T00:01:00.001-06:00

Rohypnol, GHB, and Ketamine, and alcohol are examples of illegal drugs whose effects include memory loss, blackouts, visual disturbances, dizziness, and general confusion. They are known as the "date rape drugs" although they can be used to facilitate a sexual assault whether the situation is a date or not. Assailants place these odorless, tasteless and colorless drugs in their victims' drinks in order to incapacitate them so they will not be able to resist the assault. Many victims wake up with no memory of the attack or events leading up to it.

For information on how to recognize these drug, click here.

#16

2011-04-16T00:01:00.003-06:00

Happy April 16

Common myths surrounding rape include: only women can be sexually assaulted; victims who truly resist cannot be raped; "no" really doesn't mean "no"; nice girls don't get raped; and "she asked for it." (AMA. Sexual Assault in America. November 6, 1995).

#15

2011-04-15T00:01:00.003-06:00

Today is the final day of school for this semester, so I will be sharing some information about the rape and sexual assault of college students.

Happy April 15

According to the National Institute of Justice, "college women are at higher risk for sexual assault than their non-college-bound peers. Yet, many rapes and attempted rapes are unreported, perhaps because for the majority of these crimes, victim and assailant are acquainted."

in the same article: "Counter to widespread strangerrape myths, in the vast majority of these crimes—between 80 and 90 percent—victim and assailant know each other. In fact, the more intimate the relation ship, the more likely it is for a rape to be completed rather than attempted. Half of all student victims do not label the incident 'rape.'"

Sexual Assault on Campuses: What Colleges and Universities are Doing About it

#14

2011-04-14T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 14

Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)

#13

2011-04-13T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 13

Lifetime rate of rape /attempted rape for women by race:

• All women: 17.6%

• White women: 17.7%

• Black women: 18.8%

• Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%

• American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%

• Mixed race women: 24.4%

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)

#12

2011-04-12T00:01:00.002-06:00

Happy April 12

I hope you didn't think that sexual abuse and assault is just a problem in the United States...

Hundreds of thousands of women and girls throughout the world are forcibly trafficked and prostituted each year. (2002)

George Mason University Sexual Assault Services

#11

2011-04-11T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 11

An estimated 683,000 adult American women are forcibly raped each year. Every minute in the United States there are 1.3 forcible rapes of adult women; 78 women are forcibly raped each hour. Every day, 1,871 women are forcibly raped, equal to 56,916 forcible rapes each month. (National Victim Center and Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center, Rape in America.- A Report to the Nation. 1992).

#10

2011-04-10T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 10

Many statutes, including New Hampshire's, now define sexual assault as nonconsensual sexual penetration by physical force, by threat of bodily harm, or when the victim is incapable of giving consent by virtue of mental illness, mental retardation, or intoxication. Legally, acquaintance rape carries the same penalties as sexual assault committed by a stranger. (National Coalition Against Sexual Assault).

#9

2011-04-09T12:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 9

More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occured within 1 mile of their home or at their home.

4 in 10 take place at the victim's home.
2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.
1 in 12 take place in a parking garage.

U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Statistics. 1997 Sex Offenses and Offenders Study. 1997.

#8

2011-04-08T00:01:00.002-06:00

Happy April 8

In a study sponsored by the National Institute of Justice, it was discovered that sexual abuse is one of the most understudied aspects of elder mistreatment. Additionally, the older a victim of sexual assault is, the less likely the offender will be to receive charges.

#7

2011-04-07T00:01:00.003-06:00

Happy April 2

Sexual violence remains the most dramatically under-reported crime, with an estimated two-thirds of attacks unreported. (American Medical Association. 1996).

#6

2011-04-06T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy April 6

Rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment and their consequences are often risk factors for homelessness among women veterans. 40% of homeless women veterans have reported experiences of sexual assault in the military.

Williamson, V & Mulhall, E (2009). “Invisible Wounds: Psychological and Neurological Injuries Confront a New Generation of Veterans.” New York: Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America.

#5

2011-04-05T00:01:00.001-06:00

Victims of sexual assault are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

source

#4

2011-04-04T00:01:00.003-06:00

Happy April 4

Only 27% of the women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims.

California Coalition Against Sexual Assault

#3

2011-04-03T00:01:00.002-06:00

Happy April 3

“We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. … When there is recognition of equality between the husband and wife, when there is acknowledgment that each child born into the world is a child of God, then there will follow a greater sense of responsibility to nurture, to help, to love with an enduring love those for whom we are responsible.” President Gordon B. Hinckley, “What Are People Asking about Us?”Ensign, Nov. 1998, 72.

#2

2011-04-02T00:01:00.004-06:00

Happy April 2

Because I am in Mormon-world for the general conference weekend, today and tomorrow I will be posting quotes from LDS church leaders about assault and abuse

"When another’s acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible and you must not feel guilty. You may be left scarred by abuse, but those scars need not be permanent. In the eternal plan, in the Lord’s timetable, those injuries can be made right as you do your part."

-Richard G. Scott

Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse

April Is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

2011-04-01T00:01:00.005-06:00

April is national Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

In honor of this month, this blog will deviate from its usual modge-podge of randomness and it will dedicate the month of April to posting facts about sexual assault in the US and the rest of the world. We will start off today with a simple definition of sexual assault:

Sexual Assault: A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape. These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender. Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling. Sexual assault also includes verbal threats.

source: Bureau of Justice Statistics

I hope you find a way to honor this month. Sexual assault is something that I have come to feel very passionate about these past few years. For help understanding this issue, and for ideas for what you can do to advocate to end sexual violence, here are some websites you can visit:

The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Or, find them on Facebook

Thanks for hanging out with me this month.

Only read this if you want to listen to me vent

2011-03-27T15:07:00.008-06:00

So, I need to vent for just a minute or two. Anyone out there who reads my blog knows within 30 seconds of beginning to read it how much I LOVE school. Seriously. I love it. I was pretty ambivalent toward my undergraduate Social Work program, but I am loving this masters program. I am 100% certain that it is exactly the right place for me to be. I am also 100% certain that if I had not been enrolled in graduate school this past year, my job would have driven me into insanity. And if not insanity, it definitely would have driven me to hate social work. God knew what he was doing when He helped me to get into this program, because it has driven me to love social work, even more than I did 7 years ago when I decided I wanted to be a social worker.

I know without the slightest doubt that I am in the right program, with the right people and the right instructors, and that I am where I want to be and where God wants me to be (it’s actually not all that often that both me and God agree on where I should be… I usually fight Him before I realize that He’s a bit wiser than me).

So, all of that said, why does being in the right place have to be so
!@#$% EXPENSIVE!!??!?!?!?

I knew going into this program that it would be a significant expense and a major sacrifice. I knew the out of state tuition would get to me, but I really didn’t want to wait to get residency (see the above reference to my sanity), so I decided to just go ahead and start school and pay out of state tuition. When I made that decision, I also opted not to live in North Carolina, but to stay in Virginia (I go to the University of North Carolina and live in Virginia; I only live 10 minutes from the NC border and about an hour from my school). I made that choice because I would have had to pay out of state tuition even had I lived in North Carolina and the cost of living in Virginia is much cheaper than in NC so it was, in effect, a money saving move.

To make me even more confident that I made the right (albeit expensive) choice, we recently found out that they are not admitting an MSW cohort to this particular program this coming year, due to budget cuts. So if I had decided to wait, I would have applied this year, only to find out that they were not admitting students.

All of that said, I am just frustrated. I am frustrated with having to pay an arm and a leg for my education. I want to help the poor and the underserved, but right now they are probably better off than I am. I am frustrated because I can’t get financial aid this summer because I borrowed my maximum during the year. I am required to do my internship this summer, so now I am trying to figure out how to pay however much I will owe using my own savings, which will be next to impossible. So I am trying to come up with a plan where I will work extra hours over the next two months to help cover what my own savings won’t cover. And I am frustrated because I’m not even taking actual classes this summer, just my internship. I would LOVE to take an actual class or two this summer, but that’s just more financial aid I won’t qualify for. So I’m stressing over how I will come up with enough money to pay to work for free all summer. I like my internship, but is it seriously worth draining my savings account? I honestly don’t know, and I don’t know how this is all going to pan out.

I honestly believed that God would provide a way. And He is and He has, but I was kind of hoping that the way He would provide would be in helping me get a scholarship or something. I wish God’s way didn’t involve me going into more debt than I’m already in. Is it too much to ask for someone to drop a check for 10 grand on my doorstep? Isn’t there some sort of white Mormon girls' scholarship out there? I’ve applied for several scholarships, but nothing’s worked out yet (oh, well, I did get a $1000 grant for two semesters, and I don’t mean to look a gift horse in the mouth, but at this point $1000 will not get me all that far).

And don’t worry, by the time school starts in the fall, I’m sure the legislature will decide to raise tuition another 5%. We live in a country where it is hard to be successful without a degree or two, and these days having a master’s degree is even more imperative. Not to mention the fact that the need for social workers continues to increase. I really, really wish that there were more government programs available to provide assistance to graduate students (especially us super-cool social workers).

And after all that said, just so we know, the University of North Carolina has THE MOST CONFUSING finance division that I have ever encountered. It makes me miss the U.

On a happier note, I got 105% on my midterm last week. Of course, that was after 13 extra credit points. Not to mention the fact that probably 95% of my class did better than me, so it's not like I'm all that smart (hmmmm... maybe that's why I can't get a scholarship).

Only read this if you have a strong gag reflex

2011-03-06T13:28:00.001-07:00

So, I puked last night. Many times. It was gross. It was also the first time I have thrown up since age 9. I distinctly remember the last time I vomited and it was when my family was at our cabin at Flaming Gorge. I had eaten a LOT of blow pop suckers and I felt kind of queasy when I went to bed. I woke up a few hours later and puked all the way down the hall and into the bathroom. I was sharing a room with my sister, who was still asleep, so I didn’t want to turn the lights on in the room to clean up my mess. I sat on the floor in the bathroom for awhile and tried to figure out what to do. Finally I worked up the nerve to wake up my dad (I don’t know why that made me nervous- my dad is not a very intimidating person to me), and he came and cleaned up my mess for me. My sister woke up and the two of us went and slept in the other room while my dad scrubbed blow-pop vomit out of the carpet.

Fast forward 18 years to last night. I had been so proud of myself for having a cast iron stomach. Nobody goes for 18 years without vomiting (and in all fairness, I did throw up water last year after finishing a triathlon, but it really doesn’t count because I had only drank it like 30 seconds earlier; I’m talking 18 years without real, actual vomit). Now, because of some uncooked shrimp and an expired can of soup, the streak is over and I am semi-expecting to puke again before the day is over. It is a sad, sad day in the life of Laura. I have gone from being invincible and extraordinary to simply ordinary. I have to find something else to be my new claim to fame.

I suppose I could be legendary for something other than vomit. Like… I don’t know, smart. Or a good social worker. Or something that actually takes effort and does not involve standing over a toilet.

Nobody Likes a Smart Prostitute

2011-02-23T17:46:00.002-07:00

This blog post is being brought you in part by the fact that I am supposed to be writing a paper for my groups class and whenever I have homework due, I cope with the added stress by doubling my load of time-wasters on my to-do list. Of course the cyberspace world out there cannot possibly wait another three days. Of course I have to provide both of my readers with an update on the minutia of my life (I had to look up the word “minutia” to ensure I was using it correctly. I read it in book today and decided that it is a word that we don’t use often enough in the English language).

Anyway, you might be wondering what the title of this post is implying. Perhaps I am choosing to give up a career in social work to become a prostitute.

Yesterday, my social work supervisor was on a visit to a hospice patient with me. For some reason, when she comes with me on visits, we always end up having strange experiences. Yesterday’s guy sat and talked with us for two hours about all the women he’d slept with. Then he turned to my boss and said, “You know, if social work doesn’t work out for you two, you’d always have a career selling your body.”

Um, thanks for the compliment?

Prostitution would probably be slightly more lucrative than social work. And I’m sure I’d be good at it. Since I know so much about sex and all. It’s probably not terribly appropriate to mention sex on my blog. Oh well. Sorry Mom. Anyway.

Back to the minutia of my life as it stands. While others are reveling in the beauteousness that is “Glee,” I am finding myself, sadly, on the sidelines. But I did watch an episode of “Scrubs” the other day. Oh, and I spent five hours today combing through my internship’s policy and procedures manual looking for typos and changes from last year’s manual. It is appearing as though I will be spending my social work career looking for typos. Good thing I took high school English.

Is it just me, or is prostitution sounding more and more appealing each day?

So, if you were writing a paper about social work groups, what would you write about?

And now I must get back to work. God be with you till we meet again. (And I promise I won’t go the prostitution route.)

A Series of Random Thoughts

2011-02-06T19:05:00.004-07:00

I spent an hour “researching” polygamy on the Internet the other day. It was interesting. I think I finally figured out the difference between polygamy and bigamy. Good for me. Clearly I have too much free time on my hands.

I’m planning a trip to Utah, and I realized that I am more excited about going to Vegas than I am about going to Utah. Utah’s great and everything; it’s just that I don’t really have a lot of friends there anymore. I’m trying to figure out when I stopped thinking of Utah as “home” and started feeling more comfortable in the south.

My seminary boys promised me that they were going to come to class EVERY DAY for the rest of the year. Part of me is cheering them on, but the other part of me kind of liked being able to sleep in.

I recently discovered the ~~strike through~~ feature on Word. My world ~~has never been more complete~~, ~~may never be the same~~ has not changed in the slightest with this discovery (and yes, I do realize that I am about 15 years behind in the times with this discovery. I actually have a vague recollection of using this on our old computer in or around 1995 when writing a ~~love note to a boy I liked~~ letter to a friend.).

My brain is a lot more random when I am not in front of a computer. All day long I have random thoughts ~~poop~~ pop into my head that I decide to blog about. But when I am actually blogging, I cannot think of them.

I recently was reminded how annoyed I am with people who use themselves as the good example. This is perhaps why I don’t talk much about myself: because I’m too prideful to use myself as the bad example, but I refuse to use myself as the good example either.

In related news, I recently discovered that my field instructor at my internship “doesn’t get me.” What is there to get, really? I feel like I’m an open book, but recently people have been pointing out how difficult I am to get to know. I wonder what I can do to make myself be more open. What do you think? (Mom, you don’t count.)

In other related news, in church today, I actually heard someone use the phrase “with every fiber of my being” and “engraved in my soul” in the same sentence. The crazy thing was that she was serious. I didn’t think people said things like that. I honestly thought it was just Mormon folklore.

That’s the end for now. It’s two minutes past my bedtime. Good Night!

This is what I do when I should be studying

2011-01-21T18:36:00.006-07:00

I write a blog-post about all of the books I’ve read and/or listened to lately.

These days, I have taken to reading a lot of memoirs, particularly memoirs of the “year-long experiment” variety. You know, like the guy who decided to try to live biblically for a year, except for I haven’t actually read that one. I recently finished “The Happiness Project” which is about spending a year trying to be more happy. I am reading “The Great Fitness Experiment” which is about a year of trying out all sorts of different fitness programs (and hilariously funny to boot… the book just recently came out, but I’ve been following this lady’s blog for a few years).

I also just found out about a book that has yet to be written, but there is this guy who is spending 2011 sampling the world’s major religions. Read about him here.

All these experiments make me want to write my own book, but I’m not quite there yet. So I thought I’d write about all the good books I’ve read and/orlistened to lately.

First of all: “Good to Great” by Jim Collins. Who would have thought that a book about business could hold a random social worker’s attention. It’s about how some businesses go from doing well to phenomenal and others never make that leap. It had a lot of principles that could be applied to non-business life as well. It was recommended to me by a teacher.

“Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell. Also recommended to me by a teacher, but I had been wanting to read it for a very long time anyway. It’s a really interesting book about the psychology of our unconscious and how we make judgements in the first milliseconds of an experience. It’s a great book, especially for non-psychology people to get an understanding of those topics in a fun.

“A Hope in the Unseen” by Ron Suskind. I read this book about 5 years ago and it became one of my favorite books ever. I recently re-read it and was reminded why I love it so. It’s a true story about a boy who grows up in one of DC’s most dangerous neighborhoods and ends up at Brown University. It’s amazing!

“The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I wrote all about it in the last few blog-posts, so I won’t talk too much about it now, but it was very inspirational.

“The Element” by Ken Robinson. A super-interesting book about very successful people who find their element in life and use it to rise to the top of their potential. It shares all sorts of anecdotes about people like Matt Groening (of “The Simpsons” fame), Meg Ryan (of “Sleepless in Seattle” fame), Gillian Lynne (of “Phantom of the Opera” fame, Mick Fleetwood (of Fleetwood Mac fame) and many others. It tells their stories of how they rose to greatness in their fields. It’s really interesting.

My problem with reviewing books is that I have a tendency to love every book that I read. I don’t bother with books that are uninteresting to me, so I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever finished a book that I didn’t like. I have started a few that have not held my interest, but if I finish a book, it’s a pretty sure bet that I loved it. This makes it difficult to give an intelligent opinion on the book (other than “I loved it and it was life changing and everyone in the world should read it”). Sorry about that.

Anyway, after I finish “The Great Fitness Experiment,” I am looking forward to reading “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” as soon as Amazon decides to send it to me. I will let you know how that pans out.

Have a nice day!

My Commandments

2011-01-10T15:01:00.004-07:00

So I recently completed this book.

It's called "The Happiness Project" and it is definitely one of the best books I have read in a long time. It is also a best-seller, so I'm sure many of you have heard of it.

A friend recommended it to me and I thought it was really impressive. I saw my annoying habits and myself in the author's writing. It helped me to remember that we as humans are actually a lot more similar to one another than we are different from one another.

Every year, I set out on a year of self-improvement. I make great New Years resolutions, and then promptly forget them a week later. To be fair, during 2009 and 2010 I actually did a semi-decent job at keeping my resolutions. But I still finished the years thinking to myself that nothing had really changed. I may have made changes, but I’m not sure if I’ve made progress.

So after reading “The Happiness Project,” I have decided that 2011 will be the year for me to complete a happiness project of my own. Essentially, I am on a quest to become happier.

Interestingly enough, “happy” has been a word used so frequently to describe me over the years that it has actually gotten to be kind of annoying. Complete strangers have walked up to me in stores and said, “You are just so happy.” Someone made a comment about my happiness at least once a day in high school, on my mission, and in college. A high school English teacher lowered my citizenship grade in class for being “excessively happy.” It got to the point where I started to feel like people only knew me for my happiness, and while being the happy girl is not an insulting identity, there was so much more to me than that.

Being labeled as “the happy one” actually had an interesting effect on my psyche. When I was extra concerned about something, I would overcompensate for that concern by being happy. A few years ago, one of my friends “gave me permission” to be both happy and sad around him. Since taking that permission to be unhappy occasionally, I’ve noticed a number of things. People no longer refer to me as “the happy one.” I guess I’ve dialed down the happiness over the last few years, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Even though I occasionally resented the fact that “happy” was the only description people could give me, I now miss that label, and I want to earn it back.

Hence the happiness project. Gretchen Rubin did a lot of research on happiness and spent a year trying to put the principles she learned into place. I want to do my own project, minus the research (I get enough of that at graduate school). So each month, I am going to take one of my personal commandments and work on it. When the month is over, I will continue the good habits I have built and add to them the next month’s commandments.

So, without further ado, here are Laura’s personal commandments:

1. Start only what I can finish

2. Don’t be afraid to be Laura

3. Don’t be paralyzed by fear

4. Act happy

5. Be happy

6. Be present

7. Be prayerful

8. Be proud

9. Remember the worth of souls

10. Stay comfortable

11. Live patiently

12. Finish what I start

We will start with January’s personal commandment

Start only what I can finish

Here are my goals to start only what I can finish.

a. Exercise 4 times a week

b. Keep a one sentence journal

c. Run a race for charity

d. Get rid of clutter

Can I do these for goals? For a month (technically more like three weeks because it is January 10 already)? All year long?

We’ll see what happens, but I will tell you that I am REALLY excited for my happiness project.

I’m also really excited to see you do yours!

This just in: Last minute 20:10 in 2010 update

2011-01-01T08:26:00.007-07:00

("Procrastination... I'll add an image tomorrow")

Nothing like waiting until the absolute last possible second to accomplish a goal.

Goal #1: Run a race for charity

So I was randomly browsing the internet on Thursday when I came across this:

It's a 5k that begins at the stroke of midnight and takes place in this big Christmas light display down in Winston Salem. I got really excited about doing a 5k in the middle of the night. I convinced Becky and Adam and the kids to come and do it too.

A 5k. At midnight. With two small children in tow. And a pregnant lady.

Makes for good times.

The proceeds went to one of the food banks in Winston-Salem. Here is one of the arches we got to run through. Other pictures may or may not come at a later time (read: they might come if and only if I find my camera cable. And then if and only if I appear to be somewhat cute in said pictures). Jack and Charlie were so cute too. They sat in the stroller and Charlie yelled out "Christmas Lights!!" every five seconds. Jack ran the last little bit across the finish line and cheered himself to victory. It was a unique and very fun way to bring in the new year.

So, I have now completed 23 of my 30 goals or 76%. Still an "L" (see previous post), but a slightly better "L."I guess if we were to get really technical, this feat would go on my 2011 accomplishments because the race didn't begin until the stroke of midnight. I suppose I could have done the 1 mile "fun run" that went from 11:30-11:55, but I really wanted to do the 5k. And since it took place before I went to bed on New Years Eve, I vote that it counts for 2010. And that's my final word on that.

Final 20:10 in 2010 update.

2010-12-26T19:24:00.003-07:00

As 2010 is drawing to a close, now seems to be an appropriate time to provide one last update on the 20:10 in 2010.

Here is the explanation: My friend Steve issued a challenge on his blog to set 20 goals of service to others, and 10 for ourselves in 2010. Essentially, we break 2010 into 20 things we can do for others and 10 things we can do for ourselves. By doing so, we will learn the value of service while working to improve ourselves. my 20 and 10 goals are posted to the right of this post. The original goal is first, the result is in bold, and comments from the peanut gallery are in italics

20 for others

1. Run a race for charity.... Fail! But I still have four days

2. Volunteer several hours of my time weekly.... Yes! Early morning seminary, anyone? And if my internship counts, I think I've gone well above and beyond anyone's definition of "several"

3. Attend the temple monthly.... Sadly, no. I attended the temple fewer times this year than any other year in my adult life.

4. Invite someone to church with me.... Yes!! Many someones, actually. My "member-missionary" skills have definitely improved since moving to the east coast.

5. Go on a visit with the missionaries.... Yes!! Only a couple though. I'll keep praying for sister missionaries to come to Martinsville.

6. Teach a class of some kind.... Yes!! I co-taught a hospice volunteer training class this year, and I have been teaching early morning seminary classes since August.

7. Learn how to truly forgive.... Progress made. Is there really an end to a goal such as that?

8. Hold hands with a dying person.... yeah, but that was kind of a cheat goal. A little too easy considering my line of work.

9. Volunteer at a food bank....No. I put forth a very valiant attempt at Thanksgiving, but there are very few in the area.

10. Give money to a good cause.... Yes!! Probably a little bit too much.

11. Donate blood.... Yes. I found the Red Cross and donated 3 or four times, but lately they've been turning me away for low iron, which I have decided means that I need to increase my red meat intake (always a healthy choice)

12. Be the kind of friend that I would like to have.... not yet. Hard to be the kind of friend that I would like to have considering the fact that I really don't have any friends.

13. Perform random acts of kindness at random times.... Yes. But not as much as I can.... I used to be really good about stuff like that, and I've become a bit too selfish for my taste in my old age.

14. Learn and use the names of people I meet.... No. At least not as good as I would like to.

15. Give sincere compliments to people.... Yes. I've definitely gotten better at this one.

16. Identify strengths in people.... Yes. Again, there is room for improvement, but school this year has helped me to develop a strengths perspective.

17. Become someone that others can trust.... Yes. I still think I could do more in this area.

18. Don’t spread gossip.... Yes. Doing pretty good there.

19. Spread happiness.... Sure. Maybe measurable goals will work better for 2011.

20. Be friends with everyone I meet.... I'm definitely trying.

Here's how I'm doing on the 10 for me:

1. Complete a marathon. No. But it is still weighing seriously on my mind.

2. Complete a triathlon. Yes! Definitely one of the biggest failures of my life, but I finished.

3. Begin graduate school. Yes! But slightly a cheat goal since I knew I'd gotten in to grad school before beginning this plan. But going to graduate school in 2010 had been a goal of mine for awhile anyway, so it counts.

4. Read the Old Testament. Yes! Very difficult, but I made it!

5. Learn to play 3 new songs on the guitar. Fail! I haven't even pulled out my guitar until this week.

6. Read at least one book a month for fun. Yes. I haven't actually kept track, but I'm pretty sure I've done it.

7. (re)Learn how to really, truly trust another person. Nope. This one will take some work (more than I thought at the beginning of this experiment). I have to find another person to trust first.

8. Exercise 3 times weekly. Heck no. Sadly, I can't really even remember the last time I really exercised. Sad.

9. Learn how to make a balanced budget. Yes. Goal for 2011 is learning how to stick with said budget.

10. Learn how to communicate well with others. Yes. I'm doing much better than I was a year ago.

Okay, so I met about 22/30 goals this year. In school this would be 73%, or an "L," according to UNC's graduate school grading system. "L" stands for Lame (I think it might actually stand for low pass, but I think lame is more appropriate.)

I will be recycling my 8 failures and using them again in 2011. But I need some sort of catchy slogan like I had in 2010.

So it looks like I need a guitar teacher, a marathon coach, a personal trainer, a temple buddy, and some sort of life skills coach to help me meet the rest of my goals.

Any offers?

Oh Sweet Oxygen!

2010-12-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

After feeling completely buried all semester with schoolwork, internship, work and Seminary, I finally have some breathing room. I finished my last final yesterday, and now I have six weeks of respite from school. Okay, so it's not much of a break because I still have work, internship, and Seminary, but I am still very excited. When I'm not in school, it doesn't really matter how busy the rest of my life is. I can be busy from dawn till dusk and still not feel overwhelmed. But when school is in session, it's always there in the back of my mind (like that crazy ex-girlfriend Kellie Pickler). There is always that little bit of extra studying I could be doing instead of sleeping. There is always that paper I should be starting research on instead of going hanging out with my nephews, etc. Now I have a happy little break! And I will celebrate that break by breathing normally. Only two more semesters! Yippy Skippy!

I'm liking the new format of my internship thus far. I finished my 212 hours for the fall semester at the absolute last possible second, and I start my 212 hours for spring semester on Monday. Now technically I don't have to start my hours for spring until January, but I am going to keep going throughout the break so that I won't be scrambling to finish my hours on time during spring semester. Then a summer of field, a fall of classes, and I will be Done. Sweet niblets... I will be a master of social work in 12 months. What in the world? To make matters even scarier, I've started to seriously research ph.d programs. Eek! I'm not really an intellectual. But faking that I am one has worked thus far for me.

Anyway, today I was feeling reminiscent for my Student-Ward days. So I decided to check out the Institute in Chapel Hill (about 1.5 hours from where I live now). It was good. I think I'll have to get back into real Mormon singles life here soon. The thought of that scares me. I'm setting my goal for June. Why June? Because Seminary will be over by then, and I'll be able to move if I want to; it will be after the baby in Becky's tummy pops out; it will give me a chance to save some money in case I have to go jobless for awhile; and June is always a good time to join a singles ward due to the fact that the only people who stay in college towns over the summer are the people who live there for more reasons than school, and I am somewhat picky and judgmental about people in my singles wards (they have to have a good selection of "older" people and "older" people are the ones who tend to stick around). Not that I'm prejudiced against the young'uns, I'm just not one of them.

Anyway, in other news, I reactivated my Facebook account this week. Mostly cause I was feeling left out from the goings on of my classmates at school. But I'm being a lot more careful about the privacy settings as well as how much time I spend on it.

That's all for now. Have a nice day, people.

2010-11-20T19:54:00.003-07:00

Hello Team Awesumn,

Yes, I realize that "awesome" is spelled incorrectly, but I like the way it looks. It reminds me of Autumn. And autumn is a good thing.

So, here's what's interesting. On Wednesday, I had a supervision (not to be confused with a Super Vision, which is what Becky was thinking when I told her my story) meeting with my supervisor (hence the name supervision) at my internship. Now, at my previous supervision meeting, he kind of got on my case about the fact that I didn't have any clients of my own yet, and left me with the instruction to "go, get a kid, try, and make mistakes with that kid." Therapeutic mistakes, of course. Mistakes that can be made whilst maintaining the boundaries of social work. See, I am lacking confidence in my ability to be a good therapist and I want to develop therapy skills, so I was still just kind of observing the action rather than getting too involved.

Anyway, one of my professors in school noticed that I seem to have a knack for management and community practice stuff and has brought it up to me several times in the past month or so. Everything that happened after that is strictly hearsay, but I think that she mentioned it to my field supervisor, who mentioned it to my field instructor (yes, those are two different people). Then the two of them decided to meet with me and the results of that meeting is that I completely changed the nature of my internship from direct practice to management and community practice. What is the difference, one might ask? Instead of helping plan therapeutic interventions, I am helping plan trainings. Instead of observing CBT I am observing strategic planning. It's an interesting switch. But good nonetheless.

Since no one reads this blog except for my mommy (thanks, by the way), I tend to think of it as more of a journal than anything. It makes it fun to write, but I am always a little nervous that something I post will be misconstrued. Oh well, I suppose. I have a strictly social work blog but since social work has more or less taken over my life in the last few months, I'm finding that I am posting more and more of my social work life here on my regular life blog. I wonder if that's okay.

Here's what I should be doing: Sleeping. And/or planning a seminary lesson for tomorrow. Instead I am blogging. Pretty pathetic.

Now I'm going to bed.

Good night.

Nap time is my favorite time!

2010-11-13T18:38:00.005-07:00

Well folks... I feel like I have a little bit of time to breath today. It could have something to do with completing a 20-page paper and process recording about solution-focused therapy. It could have something to do with completing a 30 minute presentation on art and sand tray therapy and its effectiveness with bereaved children, complete with this video to educate my fellow-classmates on the five stages of grief (incorrectly titled the five stages of death):

Here is where it came from

Watch it. I promise it's worth the investment of 1 minute and 40 seconds.

It could also have something to do with the fact that I finished a 90 minute class (group) presentation about organizational and inter-organizational leadership.

Now, it's just time to wait for grades to come back.

One of the the things I like about UNC-Chapel Hill's MSW program is that they don't have grades in the traditional sense. Instead of A, B, C, D, and F, you get a H (Honors), P (Pass), L (Low Pass), or F (Fail). There are no pluses or minuses, no incessant GPA calculations. An H would be the equivalent of a high A, and a P is anywhere from 79-93%. Which means that it is very difficult to get an H, and that most people fall into the P range. I have to say I like that system. It takes a lot of pressure off of me. I have two classes this semester, and I love one (management and community practice) and am struggling in the other (Family practice). But I'm not freaking out about doing poorly in family practice because I'm sure thatI will still get at least a P (I'll be a little bit more sure when I get the grade for my 20 page paper back, but I do find it highly unlikely that I completely bombed it). And I'm not freaking out about acing my management class... I think I have a chance for an H, but even if I do get it, it won't really affect my "GPA" or anything. I love being able to work without stressing about grades.

There was one semester in my undergraduate that I took it upon myself to not look at my grades. I never did look, for 3 years, until I was getting ready to graduate and needed to know those things for the sake of applying for jobs. I love that way of going through school, and I seriously love that UNC-Chapel Hill School of Social Work agrees with me.

Anyway, now all the major assignments are out of the way and there are only two days left of class until the end of the semester. Then only two semesters and a summer of field work left until I graduate. I'm honestly starting to feel weirdly nostalgic (weirdly because is it really possible to feel nostalgic for something when you are in the middle of it? Or is there a better word I can use?). I don't know what I will do with myself after graduation. I am loving this semester and I'm really not looking forward to the six weeks off. I'm looking forward to the break from homework, but not to the break from classes. Yes. I'm a weirdo.

Anyway, with all the semester's major projects behind me (I still do have a take home exam and a final reflection paper on the horizon, but those are no big deal), I feel like I can breathe a little easier. Or I can take a four hour nap. Which I did today, and I'm sure will be regretting in about 6 hours when I can't fall asleep.

And here is the highlight of my week. I finally figured out how to upload youtube videos onto my computer and transfer them to my ipod. I'm not entirely sure about the ethical implications of such a venture, so I'm currently only doing it for school projects and then deleting them, but it still pleases me immensely.

That's all for now. Have a good week.

The Best Form of Procrastination Out There!

2010-11-03T19:13:00.003-06:00

Blogging!

So, I have approximately 10 million things to do this week and am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I am choosing to deal with my overwhelmedness by blogging. Not necessarily a smart move on my part, but the following posts illustrate the fact that I am not necessarily known for using my brains in stressful (or even non-stressful) situations.

My New Mantra

My Criminal Confession

My Day at the Races

My Savage Beast

My Waste of Time

It's like a "The Best of Laura" blog post! How exciting for you!

Anyway, so I recently learnt how attached I am to my hair. A few people have suggested in the past week or so that I donate 8 inches of my hair to a child with cancer. Each time someone has suggested it, I have almost had a panic attack. Never mind the fact that I have about three feet of hair at my disposal so 8 inches would not really even be a great loss. Never mind the fact that I am well aware that short hair would make me look older and more professional while being easier to manage and less expensive to wash. Never mind the fact that my hair is actually very fine and fine hair typically looks better shorter. Never mind the fact that there are children out there who would benefit from wig making efforts. Apparently I am so vain that the mere idea of donating my hair to a suffering child causes my breathing to become shallow and my blood pressure to rise. I should have realized this obsession a year ago when I wrote about My Hair.

Anyway, so I went in for a routine haircut (“trim”) last week and the girl took about three inches of damaged ends off. I have to admit it looks better, and it doesn’t get caught in car doors and windows anymore. But I still miss those three inches, and I can’t help but assume that those three inches miss me. Do you think they do? Or maybe they are wondering why they are not attached to five more inches and on their way to brightening a small child’s life instead of sitting in the garbage pail in the local Wal-Mart salon. See, even my hair itself is giving me a guilt trip. Pathetic. Maybe I should get bangs. But then my bangs might develop an inferiority complex because they are inferior to the rest of my hair.

I think I need to get a life.

I have a life. It is busy, but surprisingly uninteresting. I am devoting much of my time at the moment to acing my management and community practice class, and miraculously passing my family practice class. Apparently I am much better with communities than I am with families. That’s not really any surprise, all things considered.

Tonight we graduated a class of hospice volunteers. I got to help plan the graduation service. Things like that are so much fun for me. I love that I can just be cheesy here and nobody thinks that is dorky. I am kind of a fan of all things cheesy (like cheesy poems, clichés and “Chicken Soup for the Soul” type stories) and people here seem to like stuff like that. I enjoy being a dork. Good times.

So, here’s the deal. I keep getting compliments regarding my performance in my management class. I find the material absolutely fascinating. The class is—bar none—my favorite class ever in college. But I am reluctant to admit that I am better at management than I am at direct practice. Even though I find it more interesting, the idea of admitting that I am better at dealing with communities than dealing with people is somewhat depressing. I don’t know what to make of this idea, but I do like getting compliments. I’ll continue to take them J.

Moral of the story: I will combine cheesiness with the fact that I don’t know what to do with my life by sharing with you the following poem:

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

The greatest mission story ever told

2010-10-27T18:28:00.005-06:00

Me and Sister Mathews.... the greatest trainer in the whole wide world!

Six years ago, the greatest mission story ever unfolded whilst I was with my trainer in NY. My former supervisor at my internship took it upon herself to retell my story, the likes of which have never been heard before.

Since she is a much greater storyteller than I, I gave her permission to tell it for me. So you must visit this link to read the greatest mission story ever told.

You can thank me later.

Happy Birthday to Me…

2010-10-17T06:26:00.003-06:00

**For the record, I'm five days late publishing this post. I wrote it three days ago. The unfortunate but accurate side effects of living in a world that does not actually revolve around me include the fact that life as we know it does not stop merely because it is the 27th anniversary of the day of my birth.**

I always have to resist the urge to type “I live in a tree” immediately after tying (or speaking) the words “happy birthday to me.” I have no idea where that urge came from. I’m 27 now. That’s weird. I honestly and truly never thought I’d live past 25. Everything past that seems old. So now I’m old. My internship supervisor kept telling me it was time to say goodbye to my childhood. I suppose she’s right.

Anyway, I was looking back at last year’s posting, and remembering my sentiments from a year ago. Is it just me, or do the years go by quicker with each one? It really doesn’t seem like a full year ago when I was celebrating my birthday by eating sushi with my buddies. Oh, wait, I did that today too. Except something was different from last year. Oh yeah, I live on the other side of the country and the buddies are not quite the same people. Or not at all the same people. Or not really even my buddies, but rather my colleagues. See, I’m old enough to have colleagues. That’s something that 27-year-olds can do.

Anyway, let’s see how life has changed during the past 365 days. Since October 14, 2009, I have:

MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY! Oh, wait, you already knew that. I moved from Utah to Virginia/North Carolina. I say VA/NC because although I technically live in Virginia, I spend more waking hours in North Carolina these days. I’m pretty sure of that.

Started a real (i.e.: professional) job as a Social Worker, Good ole Hospice of Memorial Hospital, Martinsville, Virginia. You know, I never really thought that I was interested in Medical Social Work, but I really do love it. I could see myself doing hospice for much of my career. I do like this kind of work. I like the glimpses I get into peoples’ lives and families; particularly at what is arguably the most vulnerable part of their life.

Registered for, trained for, and successfully completed triathlon number two. It wasn’t quite the awe inspiring feat that triathlon number one was, but I’m still proud of myself. And it was in open water! Goal for age 27 is to complete a marathon.

Started my second professional internship at a day treatment center for adolescents with mental health diagnoses. I’m still the new girl there, and I haven’t quite figured out my role. But my Mormon supervisor is leaving me for greener pastures. Tragic. I realized my dream of finding the only Mormon supervisor in all of North Carolina, but she was taken away from me. Why do they tease me like that!?

It’s been a good birthday week. Let’s see, the week started off poorly with a full-out war with a cricket who took up residence in my bedroom (it appears that he, also, has left for greener pastures because I haven’t heard him the last five nights). I think I won the war. Gave him the old “heave hoe.” The birthday week excitement grew when I decided to make cupcakes for everyone and anyone who plays a semi-significant role in my life (read: classmates, co-workers, family, hospice volunteers whose class I didn't end up going to so I ate them instead, and seminary boys who chose not to come to class so I ate their cupcakes instead).

On the actual day of my birth, I got a flu shot and donated blood. Incidentally, I meant to get the flu shot in one arm and get my blood sucked out of the other arm, but I accidentally had them do both on my right arm. This was a problem. The flu shot people tell you to keep your arm as active as possible for the next 24 hours and the blood donation people tell you to limit your movement as much as possible for the next 24 hours. It was quite the conflict of interest, but I made it through those 24 hours and I am still alive, so I think I’ll be okay. In between the flu shot and donating blood, Becky took me out to lunch. I was paranoid about having low iron, so I ate steak for the first time since before the age of 12. It tasted yummy. I don’t know why I don’t eat it more. After the steak and blood incidents, Becky and Adam took me out to dinner, where I refilled the space in my body left by blood with lemonade and chicken and goat cheese. I love goat cheese.

I got a cool book that’s all about me from Becky and Adam, a number of books and DVDs from my mommy. The piece de resistance was this book: The New York Singles Regional Mormon Halloween Dance.

For the Mormon inside everyone.

I actually got it for my birthday last year, read it in half a day, and then lost it when I moved across the country. My mom forgot she got it for me, so she got it for me again this year. In paperback! If you’re not opposed to 9 F-words, you really should read this book. PS: It’s not a “Mormon book” so much as it is a memoir by a very funny woman who happens to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The highlight of my weekend was going to class on Friday and getting a higher than expected grade on a harder than expected exam, and a rare compliment from a professor. I forget how much I tend to eat up positive reinforcement. It made me think that I could actually succeed as a social worker. (Then I went into my supervision meeting at my internship on Monday and was reminded how much further I have to go.)

Saturday I got to go to this place for the first time in six months:

It was lovely, as usual. I miss being able to go every week. Then my final birthday celebration involved roller-skating (with actual roller skates, not in-line) for the first time since I was very young. See, I am actually accustomed to roller blading and ice skating, but I haven’t used roller skates in forever, and for the record, they are much harder than roller blades are. Much harder.

Anyway, happy birthday to me. I live in a tree. I wish I had taken more pictures, but alas, I did not. You’ll just have to let my words paint the pictures for you.

Have a nice day. And happy birthday to me. Here's to another 365 days.

You may have won the battle, but I will win the war

2010-10-10T20:01:00.005-06:00

I’m losing the battle with the cricket in my bedroom.

Forty five minutes ago, I snuggled down into bed, ecstatic over the fact that I went to bed on time with enough scheduled sleep hours to give me a solid eight hours sleep before early morning seminary.

Five minutes later, the cricket started chirping. And chirping. And chirping.

I turned on the light to hunt him down, as I am no stranger to crickets-disturbing-my-peaceful-slumber manslaughter. Usually, when I turn on the light, the cricket stops chirping, so I have to follow my ears in the dark and then go in for a surprise attack. This time, my ears led me straight to my window. I opened the window and heard it even more clearly. Now, I am convinced that the cricket is somehow throwing his voice, because I am sure a cricket chirping outside my closed bedroom door would not be this loud (I am terrified of the very notion of sleeping with my bedroom windows open… just so we know. I’d rather sleep in a pool of my own sweat than open a window and let some fresh air in). The cricket keeps chirping; I whack my book, shoe, and remote control around aimlessly in hopes of distracting him. He stops chirping. I go to bed.

Five minutes later, he starts chirping again. And chirping. And chirping.

Repeat that scenario five times.

During those five repeats, I killed a fly. And a spider. And a cricket. I thought it was THE cricket but it was probably THE cricket’s daughter, because I appear to have angered him. I start contemplating the idea of creeping upstairs and sleeping in the guest room, but that would be admitting defeat. The cricket would slowly take over. He needs a home, but I need sleep. I need it. Seven hours is not sufficient for my mental health. I need eight.

At this point, I make my way into the living room and begin blogging, with cricket noises ringing in my ears. A good pair of ear plugs would do the trick, but a) I don’t have any. B) That would be fixing the symptom and not the problem.

So I just blog. And blog. And blog. Not willing to accept defeat, but unable to sleep in a noise infested room, I sit in the TV room in my underwear contemplating the fact that my week is not getting off to a great start. I think that recliner chair in the TV room looks comfy.

You win Cricket. You win. I will continue my battle with you tomorrow eve. Tomorrow day, when I am yawning my way through seminary, therapy, and patient visits, I hope you’re satisfied with yourself. I truly do.

Social Work-I'm wrapped around his finger!

2010-09-25T21:33:00.003-06:00

The last four years of my life have been pretty much ultra focused on social work. First, it was my effort to get into the social work program at the University of Utah. Once I got in, it was my effort to survive the social work program at the University of Utah. Then it was researching good social work graduate schools and compiling a short list of places to apply (my short list included University of Utah, Portland State University, University of Hawaii, University of Houston, and Hunter College in NY). Then it was my effort to find a social work related job. Then it was forgetting about my short list and focusing all of my energy and efforts on getting into University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill’s MSW program. Now that I am in, it is focused on surviving the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill’s MSW program.

So for the last four years, I’ve thought about Social Work on a regular basis. I love it more than normal people are supposed to love their major. Social workers help people. Period. I know it gets more complicated than that when you start talking theories and research and academic credibility and whatnot, but the bottom line remains that social workers help people. Period.

Anyway, like I said, Social Work (personified) has become my significant other. When I am not close to Social Work, I start to go into withdrawal. Until four weeks ago, my relationship with social work was a very healthy relationship. I was attached, but not overly attached. Social Work wasn’t my- ahem- social life. We were in a healthy, fulfilling, rewarding relationship, but we both had other friends as well. Four weeks ago, social work and I started spending a lot more time together. Instead of just pondering about social work occasionally when we are not together, I have no time to ponder because we are always together. I wake up in the morning and think about social work. I shower, and think about Social Work. I listen to mp3s that Social Work has made for me whilst driving to work. I work with Social Work, I intern with Social Work, and I spend every Friday with a small group of social workers. Guess what we talk about? Molecular biology, of course.

Nope. Social Work.

Social Work and I might be due for a break, but I certainly don’t want us to end up like Ross and Rachel, confused forever about whether "on a break" means "broken up." If I cheat on social work (because I know Social Work won’t cheat on me), I’ll be going against myself, and who I truly am. I don’t want a break, or a break up. But we are at a place where we need to do some serious DTR (defining the relationship). Is this a long-term relationship, or is it a fling? Am I willing to work as hard as necessary to make this relationship work? Social Work is. He’s just waiting for me to make a decision.

I really feel strongly that the next six-eight months of my life will make or break me. Can I do what I think I can? Can I continue to nurture this relationship that has persevered for four years? Can we get past the phase where I feel like a needy, clingy girlfriend who thinks about you night and day and move to the phase where we have a mutually healthy open relationship? When the time comes and I am not attached to Social Work 24-7, will I be okay? Will Social Work be okay (I think Social Work is slightly less needy than me)? My biggest question: Can I serve Social Work like Social Work has served me? Is this relationship evenly yoked? Can we have a successful partnership?

And Now a Story of a Time 11.5 Years Ago

2010-08-22T20:03:00.001-06:00

There once was a great man by the name of Brother Bean. He was my released time Seminary teacher in 9th Grade. Seminary is a program sponsored by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints designed to give high school students daily opportunities for scripture study as part of their school day. The vast majority of LDS youths who take part in this program attend before school begins (“early morning” seminary). Since I grew up in Utah, I had the opportunity to attend Seminary as part of my school day (“Released time” seminary). Well 9th Grade was the first year that I was eligible to begin Seminary. In the county I lived in, 9th graders were a part of Jr. High rather than high school. Brother Bean was my seminary teacher. He had the thankless and seemingly impossible task of wrangling 25 14 year-olds, and attempting to teach them the significance of scripture study. The topic of study that year was the Doctrine and Covenants. On top of that, he was to create an environment where the spirit wanted to be present. With just him, and 25 14 year-olds. Impossible, one might say. That’s probably correct, but Brother Bean tried hard.

Here’s what happened that year. I wish I could say that I was one of those righteous “Good Kids” who tried hard, and who attempted to make his job a little less impossible. Nope. I had a bad attitude, I was insecure and a bit of a show-off, and by about 3rd term, me and a little friend of mine came within millimeters of getting kicked out of the class altogether. By the time sophomore year rolled around, my attitude had shaped up, and I thoroughly wanted to learn and try hard to succeed in school and Seminary. But I was much too cool to make effort my 9th grade year.

Near the end of the year, aforementioned little friend and I had to do a project on Heber J. Grant. By that point the two of us had kind of typecast ourselves as the class deadbeats. Everyone was expecting us to just blow off the project altogether. Since I don’t like being predictable, and I knew he had very low expectations, I decided to stick it to the man and shock them all by doing an “above and beyond” sort of job. I channeled my former “good student” self (it wasn’t hard, I was always a good student. I just had one bad year), and we blew the class away with our presentation on Heber J. Grant. I’ll never forget the shocked look on Brother Bean’s face. And half the class’ faces as well.

After presentation time ended, I had every intention to return to my former deadbeat self (I had to keep Brother Bean on his toes, after all). But something about Heber J. Grant sparked my interest. He was prophet when my grandparents were growing up. He was instrumental in getting the Church Welfare System in place. He guided the membership of the LDS Church through the Depression and World War 2. And he did it with love. I could feel his love as I read about him. My attempts to do a good job on my project out of spite ended up creating real interest, and a seed was planted.

I finished the year on a semi-good note. I think I only managed to pull a C in the class, and I still felt the need to keep my deadbeat persona up (I had to save face with my classmates after all). But I knew I wanted to learn more. And I ended up loving the next three years of Seminary.

Since I didn’t pay much attention in Seminary that 9th grade year, I’ve spent the last ten years wishing I could go back in time and experience that year again. I’ve taken Institute (like Seminary, only for college students), but institute is not the same as Seminary. I’ve prayed for opportunities to learn what I might have learned that year. I’ve also spent the last ten years wishing I could thank Brother Bean for putting up with me, for seeing through my negative attitude, and for giving me a year of Seminary that will always be significant (even though I never paid attention).

A couple of weeks ago, I received a calling in my stake. Early Morning Seminary teacher. Guess what the topic of study this year will be? That’s right. Doctrine and Covenants and Church History. Class begins tomorrow. At 6:30am. Sometimes it really takes ten years for prayers to be answered. Now if only I could find Brother Bean. I’d like to borrow some of his lesson plans.

Disappointment

2010-08-21T21:34:00.004-06:00

**Disclaimer** this post is about nothing of any significance. Jut me in a whimsical mood.

You know how some people in the world have last names like "Allison," "Ashley," "Shannon," or "Lindsey?" What do those names have in common? They are also popular female first names. Well, I've always thought it would be super cool if a girls whose first name was Lindsey married a guy whose last name was Lindsey. What would she do? She could then become Lindsey Lindsey. Or Ashley Ashley. Or Allison Allison. Or... you get the idea. How cool would that be? That's a name destined for stardom. I can see the headlines now: "Presenting Lindsey Lindsey and the Rockettes!" "The crowd is on its feet as Shannon Shannon takes to the ring." "Ashley Ashley is 'Mary Poppins!'"

The other thing I've also thought would be cool would be to marry someone with the same name as me. Like Terry and Teri. Kerry and Kerrie. Casey and Kaci... you get the idea. That'd make my marriage a shoo-in for variety acts of the ward talent show. "Presenting, for your viewing enjoyment, Casey and Kaci.... On ICE!" Cool names are the simplest catapult to stardom.

Todat I realized something disappointing. I have never heard of anyone with the last name of Laura. Nor have I ever heard of any man with the first name of Laura. Nor can I think of any diverse spellings to make the name "Laura" seem less feminine. This means that my chances of being the superstar Laura Laura, or being the better half of the husband-wife performing team Laura and Laura are really quite slim.

The best I can probably do would be to marry a guy named Lars. or a guy with the last name of Larsen. Or maybe a guy named Lars Larsen. I don't know of anyone named Lars Larsen, but the name sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe I went to high school with a guy with that name. If anyone I went to high school with reads this blog (I doubt anyone does because I don't read the blogs of anyone I went to high school with), will you let me know? And if your name happens to be Lars Larsen, I am not really interested in marrying you. It would just be the closest I'll ever come to having a strange fantasy realized. Would it be too much to ask for if the guy has a last name that begins with the letter L? Or the "la" sound? Then at least I'd have alliteration on my side.

What Dreams May Come

2010-08-01T14:16:00.003-06:00

Hello Team Laura!

Ready for another foray into the world of Laura's life? Here are some random thoughts with very little cohesion. Hopefully if you string them all together, you might have an idea of what is going on in my life.

I had my first "stuck naked in a public place" nightmare yesterday. I thought that those types of dreams were just urban folklore. It was creepy. For the record, I was in the Spaghetti Factory restaurant in Salt Lake City, and I was taking a shower. My nephews were there too.

I've been having a lot of oddly realistic dreams lately. Then when I wake up I am a mixture of relieved and disappointed that they are not real. Then I was at a church meeting on Saturday and someone started talking about how sometimes dreams are a message from God about choices we are making, or choices we should be making. I've never really put a lot of stock into dreams like that though. The good dreams are too good to be true, and the bad dreams are too bad to be true. A nice realistic balance is much better. But I don't know... maybe I should take them more seriously. Hmm.

Dreammoods.com tells us: "To dream that you are naked, denotes fear of being found out and exposed over your activities. You feel that you are being misjudged. To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity and are trying to cover up, signifies your vulnerability to a situation."

I wonder what I'm afraid of the world discovering?

In other news, I got my tuition bill this week. They decided to raise my tuition by $4,000 this semester. That means that I am now paying $10,000 a SEMESTER for school. The master's program that I thought would cost me around 20 grand total is going to cost twice that. I'm a little frustrated, and I have no idea how I am supposed to come up with that kind of money. It doesn't really seem smart to go $40,000 into debt for a degree that does not actually have a very high earning potential. Grar...

And then to top all that off, my boss is really giving me a hard time about being off on Fridays for school anyway. Despite the fact that I had that approved before I even got into the school program (the boss who approved it got fired not long after approving it). I may have to quit and find something a little bit more flexible, but that creates a whole other mess of problems (If I quit before my contract is up, I am responsible to pay them back the signing bonus they gave me when I first got here). And I'm trying to find a place to do an internship, which is difficult to do when you are working. But I don't like the idea of not working and focusing more on school because of the whole having to come up with an extra $20,000 thing.

If only I was old money. Having some sort of a trust fund would make my life considerably easier. Or a rich uncle. Or the ability to search for buried treasures. I realize that money doesn't solve problems, but I think this is a scenario where it might make things a bit easier.

Blah.

Ten ways Facebook can ruin your life

2010-07-21T12:19:00.006-06:00

After my previous post, I came across this from our friends at newsweek. After reading it, I think I may never go back to Facebook. Not that I think it is evil, just that I think there are too many harmful things that can occur, and since we have no way of predicting the future, it is hard to say when it will end. (If you want the article complete with all of the sources, click on the link)

10 Ways Facebook Can Ruin Your Life

"This week Facebook will register its 500 millionth member. It's a milestone both significant and meaningless: yes, it's a reminder of just how big the social-media giant has become, but really—did we need reminding? That Facebook is a part of many Americans' daily lives is clear. But how it's affecting those lives is still being examined. We know that Facebook can be good for your health, and that it can make everything from networking to sharing photos easier. But there's also a potentially sinister side, even aside from dubious privacy issues. Below, 10 ways that Facebook can do more harm than good.

1. You'll be reunited with your biological parents. This can be good news, but it's not always. Take Prince Sagala, who found her biological children on Facebook—children she alleges were kidnapped more than a decade ago by her ex-husband. The mom and kids are now reunited. The only problem: the kids grew up with their dad and don't want anything to do with the parent who now has custody. And in an even more horrifying story, Aimee Sword was sentenced to nine to 30 years in prison recently for, sexually abusing her son, whom she tracked down on Facebook.

2. Your creditors can track you down. Creditors use Facebook as a way to both track the movements of debtors and keep their eyes on any potential assets that could be seized to cover those debts. At first, lenders may use Facebook to determine whether you're a worthy candidate for a loan. But should you come to owe a creditor money, the company can track you down and discover your assets by monitoring your Facebook feed.

3. Your insurers can deny your claims. Remember the woman who was receiving workers' compensation for depression only to be "outed" by Facebook pictures of her smiling? Her insurance benefits were cut off, with insurers saying that her photos showed she was That's left attorneys who argue for disability benefits concerned. Many advise against giving away too much on Facebook.

4. Your ex can use it against you in a divorce. Facebook is a popular tool for divorce attorneys, who comb pages of their clients' spouses for evidence of neglect, infidelity, or deception. (One study suggests that Facebook comes up in one out of five new divorce petitions.) A woman lost custody of her children after her ex proved she was spending time tending her crops on Farmville instead of spending quality time with her kids, while divorce lawyers have given multiple interviews extolling the site's virtues as a way to air damaging dirty laundry.

5. It could make you depressed. Researchers from Stony Brook University in New York found that teenage girls who spend the most time discussing their lives with friends were more likely to be depressed. Apparently, spending too much time dwelling on gossip and your problems can make you feel worse, not better. The researchers didn't study Facebook in particular, but they indicated that social-networking sites such as Facebook made it easier for people to be in constant contact with friends and perpetuate the unhealthy discussions.

6. It can cost you a job. A British survey of employers found that half of those polled had turned down job candidates once something unsavory about that candidate surfaced on Facebook. (Examples include tales of drunkenness, photos of illegal activity, and bad grammar.) In the U.S., 20 percent of employers admit to scoping out the Facebook pages of potential job candidates, while 9 percent say they're going to start soon. 7. It can out you to your family. Even if you're discreet on Facebook, your loose-lipped friends might not be and could post comments on your wall that betray your secrets But there are also more insidious outings going on: MIT students designed an algorithm that successfully pinpointed gay users by analyzing
how many of their friends were gay

8. It can make it easier for your stalker or abusive partner to follow your movements. Let's be honest: if there weren't Facebook, abusers would find another trigger to set off their rage. But Facebook has made it easier for these people to keep tabs on their victims and respond to their movements, even after the victim has tried to sever ties. In one particularly sad case, a woman who changed her Facebook status to "single" was killed by her husband, from whom she had separated. After seeing her status, he broke into her home and stabbed her repeatedly.

9. You can be sued for libel. There are already several cases of libel suits over content posted on Facebook. In Britain, where libel is easier to prove than in the U.S., a businessman won £22,000 when a former classmate created a fake profile full of defamatory information. Stateside, an Ohio-area band sued a Facebook "hate group," and a Michigan towing company sued a student who created a Facebook page alleging that the company tows legally parked cars. (The company says those claims are false.) So far, the law appears to be on the poster's side. But it's still a hassle.

10. Your kids could be targeted by predators. After a teenage girl in England was murdered by a sex offender who posed as a teenager on Facebook, the British version of the site added a "panic button" that allows teens to report any unwanted attention—including cyber-bullying—directly to the authorities. But the button is not yet on U.S. or other international versions of Facebook, and it's unclear whether the company plans to add it.

Is There Life After Facebook?

2010-07-02T19:48:00.003-06:00

So, I've been officially Facebook free for three months now. To be honest, I never really thought I'd last this long (previous attempts at facebooklessness- yes, that's a word- were abandoned after a week, or a day, or in one case an hour). I also didn't realize how much I wouldn't really miss it. I haven't. I will say I miss knowing what is going on in other people's lives (see, I am not very good at calling other people... I think about them a lot, but I almost never call).

I've started to miss Facebook recently (like within the last day or so) due to the fact that I just started graduate school and all of my cohort is on Facebook. So I occasionally wonder if I am missing out on some valuable intellectual interaction. Hmm...

Oh well... I suppose it's still possible that I will rejoin. Before I will even consider doing so, I will learn how to

a: control privacy settings

b: manage time more wisely so as not to compulsively check my account every hour

c: control my thoughts so that every idea that pops into my brain isn't automatically formed into the status update template

d: not take pictures just for the sake of posting them

e: not become so invested in what other people are doing on Facebook that I start to become morally invested in other people's virtual lives and forget to live my own actual life

f: become mature enough that I don't posting passive aggressive snarky comments and updates (generally things that really just plain and simply aren't me; but are in fact the bratty kid inside me fussing for attention) just for funsies

g: pass all of my graduate school classes (I have enough things in life distracting me. It feels good to choose to eliminate one)

I still miss it though. I need more human interaction (I will clarify: a non-dying human to interact with would be nice). It's why I look forward to Fridays. Who would have ever thought that I'd count the days each week until school?

I just bought a mac.

2010-06-13T21:15:00.000-06:00

And I think I'm in love.

Small Bout of Homesicknesses

2010-06-12T19:52:00.003-06:00

It's just another American Saturday night.

I've been feeling a little reminiscent tonight. And I'm feeling a little homesick; sort of wishing I could be here and there at the same time. I do like my life right now. It is pleasant. An it's not like anyone back home really misses me (I'm not fishing for sympathy with that statement. I'm sure people miss me; what I mean is that it's not like anyone's life is falling apart without me back home). I just miss Utah. Nobody here even knows what Utah is shaped like. And nobody knows about the grid system. Or about how you can ride the train and have it take you right to the mall, or the temple, or the Delta Center, or the University of Utah, or the Mayan, or church. Or about Liberty Park.

In no particular order, here are the things that I miss about good old Salt Lake City:

Getting crepes with Kate and Mystie every Monday night, playing backwards Trivial Pursuit, and nearly getting kicked out of the crepery for yelling too loud
Playing the globe game with Kate and Scott
Eating sushi with Liz
Eating sushi with Emma
Eating sushi with Kate
Eating sushi with Benson
Eating sushi
Volunteering at the temple
Having a temple (or 10) so close
Teaching ESL to African refugees
Teaching ESL to Mexican immigrants
The 29th Ward FHEs
Baby-sitting Lily
Watching the Red Sox win the World Series
Lake Flaming Gorge
Summer Camp
Studying abroad in Mexico
Free trips to the Virgin Islands
Being a founding member of (now defunct) Team Awesome
Playing Origins with the people
Spoon Me
A road trip to Houston
A road trip to Reno
A road trip to LA
A road trip to Denver
A road trip to Virginia (X2)
A road trip from Minnesota
Road trips
Leatherby's
Betos
The Blue Iguana
The Red Iguana
Iguanas of all colors
Arctic Circle
Saltwater Taffy
The Easter Egg Hunt
Teaching swimming lessons
Swimming in general
The BSWSA
The University of Utah
Walking in Liberty Park with various special people
The football rivalry (that I actually never really cared about, but there's no good rivalry here)

I'm sure more will come up. But it feels somewhat therapeutic writing them all down. I miss my old life. I like my current life, but I miss my old one. I wonder what will happen in my future one. Sometimes I wish that I could go back a few years. I suppose that's my natural desire to seek after homeostasis.

Homeostasis is a good thing. So is change. I suppose homesickness can be a good thing too.

Trip to Utah and Other News

2010-05-29T17:56:00.003-06:00

So, I really like my life right now. It's pleasant.

I went to Utah last week for my grandpa's funeral. It was a really nice service and a fun trip home. It's always real nice catching up with that half of the family. I was only in town for a few nights, so I didn't get to see everyone, nor did I tell everyone that I was there (goodness... when I read that, it sounds like I think that I am some sort of a celebrity or something. I promise I don't feel that way).

The timing of the whole scenario was interesting because Grandpa died exactly two days after my graduate school program director gave us a big old lecture about how there are no excuses for missing class, ever. And I ended up missing the second week of class. But my professor was understanding. I had a paper due the day after the funeral that I was determined to get in by the deadline, even though my professor would have been nice enouth to offer me an extention had I asked for one. I didn't want to look like a slacker on the second week of graduate school (I figure I should wait at least a month to bring out those colors), so I worked until 4 am on the day we buried Grandpa so that I could get my paper in on time. It was good times. It probably would have been better for me to just take the extention that my teacher offered me, but I can't seem to do that. It speaks to my consistent inability to ask people to make exceptions for me. I've always struggled with that in school and life.

I got 18.25/20 on my paper, which proves that I probably could have used the extra time she was willing to grant me. Oh well. Next time someone dies, I'll take the extention.

Other than that, school is going well. It's keeping me very busy. I am trying to figure out where to do an internship. I have to come up with a place to intern 16 hours a week for the next 18 months.

That's a long time.

I am thinking about interning with LDS Family Services, but the nearest one is in Charlotte, NC, about 2 hours away. I can't obviously travel there every day, and I am considering the possibility of spending 8-10 hours there on Saturday and seeing if there is any work they will allow me to do from home during the week. We'll see. The logical thing to do would be to intern at a place close by here, but since when am I one to do that which is logical? I am starting to wonder how long I will remain in Martinsville and if maybe I should move to a larger city closer to school and find a job there, because...

...I came back to Virgina to find out that my boss had gotten fired. He's the one who hired me. He's also the third person to get fired in the three months I've been here. I'm starting to get a little bit worried about myself and my job situation. That's all I'm going to say about that for now. I'll keep you posted on what happens. I'm trying not to dwell on it.

That's all the news for now. Oh, and I just got a call from a stake high councilman here in Virginia. He wants to meet with me this week about a calling. I wonder what that could be about...

Waiting to Adopt

2010-05-23T09:51:00.001-06:00

My friend Rachel and her husband Jon are trying to adopt their second child. They have a little boy, Sam, who is just so handsome, and who will make a great big brother. Read their official adoption profile here, and learn more about their sweet family here.

If you or anyone you know is looking for a very loving adoptive family, please explore their profile. I could not identify a family more well-equipped with love and happiness to place a child with.
Here's some family photos if you need more convincing.

On a bike ride around the neighborhood

Boating at Flaming Gorge

Franklin Idaho Bradbury: 1920-2010

2010-05-17T20:51:00.004-06:00

Loss is different when it’s a loved one.

Late Sunday night, we got a call from my dad, informing us that his dad, my Grandpa B, was on his way out of this life. We knew he was declining, but hadn’t heard anything for awhile. Dad told us he probably only had a few more days in this life. We called Grandma, then went home and went to bed. Two hours later, he was gone.

I spend approximately 40 hours a week thinking about death, people who are dying, people who love people who are dying, people who are dead, and people who love people who are dead. I spent the other hours in my week learning about death. It is on my mind a lot. And I love my patients, but I love my Grandpa a little bit more, and wrapping my brain around his death is a bit harder then dealing with death every day is.

I spoke to Grandma again today, and she told me how grateful she has been for family and friends. And for her knowledge of the Plan of Salvation that gives her the faith to know that death is not the end. After his death (about 11pm MST) she went to bed and got a really good night’s sleep. Funeral arrangements have been made, and I will fly home tomorrow to see them.

Grandma told me how grateful she was for her hospice social worker. Grandpa was only in hospice for about a week, so they only visited once. But Grandma had a great experience with hospice, and she feels like they made this time much easier for her, and much more pleasant for him.

I am trying to think of the best way to honor the life of Grandpa. He has always been a man that I looked up to and loved. He had a sense of humor and an optimistic attitude that knew no bounds. When I was 16, I used to lifeguard the early morning shift at the swimming pool. Every Monday and Wednesday, Grandpa would come in to do water aerobics. He’d come over to me and give me a big hug. Lest I feel too special, he’d make his way to the other lifeguard and give him a big hug too. Then he’d jump into his shallow water aerobics class. He was the only man in a class of 20-30 ladies. Vintage Grandpa.

While life guarding, I’d observe my good old grandpa making his way around to each and every other participant. He’d flirt with each one of them. My lifeguard friends- not knowing his relation to me- used to talk about the "water aerobics king and his harem." He was always quite the womanizer. He found a way to make each person he interacted with feel very special; while talking with Grandpa, you were the most important person in the world to him. Often, his “water aerobics girlfriends” would come up to me in private and tell me how lucky I was to have a grandpa like him. I agree.

When I was 17, my family went on one of our many trips to Arizona to visit Grandma and Grandpa at their winter home. Grandpa took me for a ride, and let me drive his old blue VW bug. I’ve never felt cooler. He showed me how to work the clutch and the gearshift (never mind the fact that I learned how to drive a stick before I learned how to drive an automatic), and instructed me on the art of jimmy-rigging the turn signal so that it would actually light up in the back.

After my mission, I started to notice a more obvious decline in Grandpa’s health. In January, 2008, Grandma had to spend a few days in the hospital for surgery. She asked me if I would be willing to spend some time with Grandpa. I was grateful for the chance. We spent the week together. I was in school, but I got to come home every evening to my Grandpa instead of a houseful of roommates. We watched movies together, even went out to eat. It was a fun bonding experience for me; and I hope it was for him too.

He was a hard worker all of his life. He and Grandma owned several restaurants throughout their lives. They were loved by all of their customers. He was a senior missionary in the Micronesia Guam mission, where he was instrumental in securing much land for building churches. In the 25 years since he has been home from that mission, the church has grown exponentially in that area. When I left to serve a mission in upstate NY in 2004, I smuggled a shell-framed photograph of the two of them from their mission. It hung on the wall of every apartment I lived in. When I was having a difficult time having charity for my investigators or companions, I looked at that photo and Grandpa’s warm smile always seemed to give me a little bit of extra strength.

Every year when I was growing up, our family would have a big camping trip in the same location on the banks of the Greys River, Wyoming. Grandpa and Grandma worked hard to keep his family close to them and to one another. Their efforts have paid off. He maintained very good physical health as long as he could. Until he was no longer able, he loved to walk, swim and ride his bike. He remained as active as possible for as long as possible. He was an example to all of us of the positive impact that physical activity can have on our psychological selves.

I think when we have experiences like this, we tend to get really retrospective. Memories have a little bit more meaning when we know that they are all we have.

I will always remember my Grandpa B. He has been such a blessing in my life and in the lives of everyone around him. He greeted everyone with a warm, friendly smile. He had a child-like quality in him that never went away. Even in his final months, he continued to be pleasant and friendly to everyone he saw, even if he no longer recognized them. Everything was exciting to him; he had an invaluable appreciation for the world and everything that it has to offer. He loved his family. He is joyfully reuniting with his son and daughter on the other side. He is more than likely gearing up for another day of work.

So, back to my questions of how to honor the life of Grandpa B: I think the greatest thing that he has taught me has been to always stay optimistic. His laid back personality has enabled him to see the positive in all scenarios. Even in the last few months, where he has rarely spoke, a phrase he repeated often was “go with the flow.” It could be Grandpa’s mantra. I can honor the life of my grandpa by greeting everyone I meet with a smile, by identifying, even searching for the strengths of others, and by living my life in a way that I will be able to be with him and the rest of my family again someday. It’s really that simple. I so grateful for the life he lived, for the way he chose to raise my dad, for the legacy of service and kindness he has passed on to me, his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends.

We love you, Grandpa!

-"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."

Mosiah 2:17

Book of Mormon

Sunday in the Park With Fluffy

2010-05-16T19:22:00.007-06:00

So we decided to take a little stroll in the park late on Sunday afternoon. Jack insisted that Fluffy The Turtle come along so as not to miss out on all the fun.

Okay, so it may have been my idea, but I know that Fluffy really wanted to slide down the slippery slide. He's never done that before.

He also wanted to ride on the swingset.

And really, what is a trip to the park without a ride on the merry-go-round?

We also watched Jack practice riding his new big boy bike.

Fluffy enjoyed his freedom and liked nestling in the wood chips under the slide.

And loved it when Jack tried to bury him in grass.

All in all, it was a lovely Sunday outing. On the way home, Becky and I got some sad news. Our grandpa- who has been declining for some time- is on his way out of this life. We don't know how much longer he'll be with us, but Grandma thinks it's just a matter of days. We are thinking about him, and I am praying that his last days/weeks of this life will be wonderfully pleasant for him, and as pleasant as possible for the rest of us. We love you Grandpa!

My Social Work Blog

2010-05-10T21:47:00.003-06:00

I'm trying to start a blog about all the things I am learning as a hospice social worker (and while in graduate school). Check it out if you get a chance: www.socialworkhelps.blogspot.com

On Living With a 4-year-old

2010-05-04T12:23:00.016-06:00

Jackson quotes:

Upon waking up in my bed finding a squirming 4 year old curled up next to me:

Laura: "Jack, how come you decided to climb into bed with me?"

Jackson: "Because, I know how much you like cuddling. Especially with boys."

Too true.

Arguing over what to watch on the TV:

L: "Let's watch Hannah Montana'"

J: "No, let's watch 'Star Wars'"

L: "But 'Star Wars' is scary and boring."

J: "'Star Wars' isn't boring. You're boring!"

L: (bites her tongue whilst resisting the urge to yell "your face is boring!")

I swear I didn't teach him how to smack talk.

Update on the 20:10

2010-04-26T20:37:00.006-06:00

My friend Steve issued a challenge on his blog to set 20 goals of service to others, and 10 for ourselves in 2010. Essentially, we break 2010 into 20 things we can do for others and 10 things we can do for ourselves. By doing so, we will learn the value of service while working to improve ourselves. my 20 and 10 goals are posted to the right of this post.

In the meantime, here is an update on how I am doing on the 20 for others...

1. Run a race for charity.... still looking for a good one.

2. Volunteer several hours of my time weekly.... trying to make the time.

3. Attend the temple monthly.... my temple recommend expired. Wow, I'm not doing so hot so far on my goals.

4. Invite someone to church with me.... yes!! I did this last week! Did she come? Well, no, but I'll keep trying.

5. Go on a visit with the missionaries.... yes!! I did this too (same girl as above). It was AMAZING!

6. Teach a class of some kind.... unless teaching a family about Virginia Medicaid counts, no, I don't think so.

7. Learn how to truly forgive.... No; I think this will be my Mt. Everest of goals this year.

8. Hold hands with a dying person.... yeah, but that was kind of a cheat goal. A little too easy considering my line of work.

9. Volunteer at a food bank.... hmm, not yet.

10. Give money to a good cause.... yes!! I've found a few great causes.

11. Donate blood.... No, I used to give blood every 8 weeks, but I haven't figured out where the nearest Red Cross is.

12. Be the kind of friend that I would like to have.... always a goal in progress; never 100% attainable. But I like to think I've grown a bit.

13. Perform random acts of kindness at random times.... not that I can think of. I'll get on it though.

14. Learn and use the names of people I meet.... I am getting better at this one.

15. Give sincere compliments to people.... I'm good at the compliments part; still working on the sincerity.

16. Identify strengths in people.... slowly improving

17. Become someone that others can trust.... Hmm, what do "others" think. How am I doing?

18. Don’t spread gossip.... At the moment I don't have much to gossip about, even if I wanted to. The main people in my life are Jack and Charlie. The only hot gossip I know of is that Jack wants to build a spaceship (he's 4), and Charlie rips his clothes off while sleeping(he's 1). I don't know what kind of gossip you had in mind, but that's all I have to share.

19. Spread happiness.... I think so; maybe I should re-word these into measurable goals.

20. Be friends with everyone I meet.... I'm definitely trying.

Here's how I'm doing on the 10 for me:

1. Complete a marathon. Not yet. But it is weighing seriously on my mind.

2. Complete a triathlon. This Saturday! I'll let you know how it goes.

3. Begin graduate school. Yes! But slightly a cheat goal since I knew I'd gotten in to grad school before beginning this plan. But going to graduate school in 2010 had been a goal of mine for awhile anyway, so it counts.

4. Read the Old Testament. I have made it through Genesis. Does listening count?

5. Learn to play 3 new songs on the guitar. Not even begun to try.

6. Read at least one book a month for fun. Well, last week I read a book on marathon training. It was muy bueno.

7. (re)Learn how to really, truly trust another person. Hmm... this one will take some work. I have to find another person to trust first.

8. Exercise 3 times weekly. I think I'm right around there. I need to start keeping track.

9. Learn how to make a balanced budget. Hmm... not really. But I think I am finally spending less money than I'm making. That may be a step in the right direction.

10. Learn how to communicate well with others. I'm definitely trying and showing signs of improvement.

3 yesses, a couple of nos, a whole lot of maybes and not yets. Looks like I need to get to work.

2010-04-24T17:48:00.003-06:00

Here's what our lovely young women in Martinsville have been up to.

The writing credits go to me, choreography was done by Becky and the girls. Becky's video making skills also deserve some mention. I think the we and the girls did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

PS... it's better if you click on the full link and watch it on youtube.