Friday, October 23, 2009

My Emotional Roller Coaster

“But if you use the words Emotional Roller Coaster, I am O-U-T.” Dr. Cox
“Deal. I just feel like I’m on this, like, emotional… ride of some sort.” J.D.
(Scrubs: My Hard Labor)

It’s such a cliché, and I used to despise clichés but at the moment I am the epitome of a cliché. Lately, my life has been like a roller coaster ride. I’m sure any of you who have either spent any significant period of time with me lately, or have been reading my blog, have sensed this as well. I feel like I’m either way up, or way down, but rarely in between. I don’t necessarily feel like I’m experiencing more of one or the other, it seems like the up and down times come pretty equally. I just wish I could plateau once in a while. I am sick of allowing the circumstances of my daily life to dictate how I feel, and what I think about myself and my outlook on life in general! I start to experience that emotional high when thing are going well, and then I get my hopes up and begin to expect things to always be that certain way. The minute those circumstances change I plummet. My mood changes and my whole day (sometimes week) is shot. I don’t typically consider myself to be a particularly moody person, this emotional roller coaster is certainly not the norm for me, but I must take into consideration the fact that the circumstances of my life the last 6 months have been far from the norm as well. I’ve been trying to surround myself with people who cheer me up, and filling my time with activities that I enjoy, but I don’t want to mask the problem either. I don’t want to give off a false sense of “joyfulness”. I want to be authentic, I want to be real with people, and let them know when I’m feeling down. How do I balance this?

All of that said, as long as the highs keep coming along with the lows, I’d much rather have ups and downs, then to be numb and feel nothing at all! That would really suck!

1 comment:

suzanne said...

I'm sorry. You sound like you are having a really rough time. You never seemed like an emotional person in high school, you were actually pretty easy going and usually happy. I hope things will straighten out. It's not fun having emotions go all over the place.